Do Not
Tap on the Glass!!!
Well lookie here, it’s another
Do Not Tap on the Glass entry! It has made another appearance on this fine
Blog! You might not remember this section of my blog but I started it shortly
after the plexi-glass ‘cage’ aka the ‘fish bowl’ was erected *no pun intended*
here at the fine establishment of Love Lips. For those of you who are wondering
what it the purpose of this entry it’s quite simple; thanks to the dumber
population I have a whole new section to create and write about what it’s like
being that person behind one of these fine claustrophobic mechanisms. Tada!
Alright then, without further ado here we go……
#1- Things That Make You Go ‘Wow, Really?’-Oh
Dundalk you never fail to prove how dumb you make your people……
It was a Wednesday afternoon
when I was putting stock away, my arms so full of product I was keeping it all
contained with holding things with my chin. Why was I acting like I was in the
circus? We have no shelf space so it’s all a balancing act, really. Anyway! The
Love Lips jingle sounded a customer and I moved carefully to look at the door
and the new person, “Hi, how are you?”
“Wow this is new” She ogled the plexi-glass cage and I
grunted as I quickly put product on already full pegs so I could have a free
hand to get new pegs for the product. “When did you guys put this up?”
“Sometime at the end of last year” I said flatly.
“Wow…” She tapped on the glass and thinking she needed
something I turned to face her, hands finally free and she looked up at the
signs Bethany posted that clearly say, “Please Do NOT Tap on Glass”. She threw
her hands up in the air and whipped around to face me and said, Oh, I’m sorry,
I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t see the sign there! I’m sorry!”
It’s either no one apologizes or this happens, I can’t win!
#2- My Favorite Color is Clear!!! FYI; The Glass
We Have IS Clear…
It was a slow day when a biker looking chick waltzed into
Love Lips and said in a smoker voice, “Hey hon!”
“Hi, if you need any help let me know, ok?” I like when
customers are casual, not too weird or too crazy, it always makes for a good
day.
“Yeah you got any ‘tobacco’ products?” She used her fingers
to make the quotations for the word ‘tobacco’ cuz let’s face it no one really
uses any ‘tobacco’ product for tobacco. Well I’m sure some people do but you know what I mean!
The ironic part? She was standing right in front of it.
“Yeah it’s in the glass case in front of you” Sadly there really was no other
way to say it without sounding like a bitch, I felt bad…until…
“Oh! Duh!” She knocked her head with the palm of her hand to
indicate she had a sense of humor and then promptly leaned over and SMASHED her
head into the plexi-glass so hard the entire cage swayed a little.
“Oh my—Are you ok??” Let me tell you something, it was pretty
damned hard not to laugh.
“Yeah…I should’ve remembered there was glass there”
Yeah…honest
mistake, it is clear and all……
#3- I Saw the Sign…and It Didn’t Open Up My Eyes…
Ahhh, Ace of Base, the questionable 90’s band that produced,
and really was only famous for its one catchy song called “I saw the sign”. I
knew one day this song would work its way into my blog, I mean how could it
not?
While I was silent for a good length of time I grew rapidly angrier
each time a customer asked if we had been robbed because the glass was put up.
Besides the obvious fact of; it was once not here and then was….and its main
purpose is to protect the person behind it. It also was NOT designed to be
aesthetically pleasing to the eye….so what else would it have been built for?
My first thought would be that the store was robbed, but that’s just me.
Apparently the imagination only stretches so far for the inbreed stock of
Dundalk’s finest human beings, so for
almost half a year I would have to nod and explain that we were in fact robbed
twice, no one was hurt, the robbers were not caught by the police, and that
this all happened last year. So in a fit of rage after the 456434405235689865
person asked me if we were robbed, I hung a sign by the register for people to
read as they waited for me to check their purchases out. The sign reads; YES,
the glass cage you see in front of you IS new. It was put up sometime in late
November last year. YES, we were robbed; this was not added because it
looks charming. NO, no one was hurt. Thanks for your concern.
~Management.
Now some of you may think that the sign is a little harsh
because it is human nature to ask questions and some people really don’t
understand the purpose of the glass cage so why word it like that? Imagine if
you will, that literally, every single
person who walked through the front door asked you about the glass cage…AND
every single day you worked it was the same questions and reactions. It would
get kind of obnoxious and no longer funny, right? Well, I got to a point where
I wanted to scream obscenities and tell them they were ass-hats because why
else would we have glass if it wasn’t a dangerous area?! So, I thought the sign
was safer. Anywho, I promise there is a story behind this so without further
ado here we go;
I was thinking to
myself that I needed to update the blog soon and the perfect couple walked
through the Love Lips door just the other day. A very pasty pale man who looked
like he was in his 30’s with acne that was almost classic nerd movie style came
into my fine establishment arm in arm with a very curvy but good looking African
American woman. I thought it was an odd pair only because he looked like he was
missing his coke bottle glasses and suspenders while she was normal looking. So
I chalked it up to he must be a great person and looks didn’t matter to her. As
they looked around she kept pulling her yoga pants tighter around her butt so
you could see her butt crack in the pants. I had to blink the crack out of my
eyes a few times because she would walk around with her hand above her butt
holding the fabric to accent the crack. She was an attractive woman but why she
thought making the yoga pants show her crack was a good idea is still beyond me. But after a good 15
minutes they came to the register with a few things in hand. As we made polite
conversation she looked at the sign on the glass and pointed it out to her
boyfriend. He was giving me a hard time about asking for his ID to make sure
the card name matched when she said to me after looking at the sign one more
time, “You guys were robbed?” She had a very innocent and blank stare on her
pretty face.
I was already feeling frustrated at his annoyance at being
carded I looked up at her and smiled what I was sure a painful looking smile
and said, “Yes…we were”
“Hunnie I don’t think the sign would be up if they weren’t
robbed” He said gently.
“Well I had to check, cuz you never know if it’s true or not”
she said matter-of-factly.
I kept the best forced smile I could on my face, “We were
robbed twice”
“O-Ohhh…” She said in wonder as her boyfriend took his
merchandise from the turn style.
“Have a great day guys” I said as they turned to leave. I
heard her make the comment on it being weird that we were robbed and I still
can’t figure out why someone would assume the sign was fake? Am I missing
something? Oh well….It IS Dundalk after all….