Friday, July 20, 2012

Short and Not so Sweet: Part V Rhinestones


Short and Not so Sweet Stories: Part V

Rhinestones

Wow it’s getting a little depressing with not having anything fun currently. I am hoping that the crazies pick up soon so I have more stories to write for you all. But, tonight, as promised I DO have a story for you!!!I wrote this back when the pink computer was still alive and things were fun. I don’t know how this one slipped and hasn’t been posted yet…Better late than never, right? I hope you enjoy this fun-filled entry starting right now……

I know I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because it’s becoming true, every time I have the pink computer in my lap and I am working on a story for the blog something crazy happens and I have to start a new story all over again. Like today, I’ve written 3 stories back-to-back because each time I start one another good event happens. Whew! I’m just glad to have something to write about again, how about you guys? Anyway! I was writing when the Love Lips door jingled and I quickly folded up the computer and stood up to smile at the older woman who came into the store. She had to be in her late 50’s and had the coolest eye make-up ever. It was green with gold that blended nicely in the middle of her eye lid and then another completely different shade of color above. I LOVE layering my eye shadow so she was a welcomed eye shadow idea. “If I can help you with anything, let me know” I smiled at her.

“Thanks hon” She smiled and then focused her attention to the lingerie section and mainly looked through the panties that were hanging up. After a long pause in which she looked closely at a pair in undies with little rhinestone hearts on it she came up to the glass and said, “Hey hon—oh, can yo hear me?”

This is a common question and sometimes a good question. You don’t realize just how quite people talk until you’re behind glass. “Yes ma’am”

“Oh good.” She smiled and then said, “Are these all the panties you have?”

“Yes ma’am they are”

“Oh...” She said more to herself and then said a little louder, “Oh…well that’s not good”

“Ma’am?” I said confused.

“Ya see my husband came in here during Valentine’s Day and claims to have gotten me a pair of panties from this location. I’m sure you’ve seen him in here before”

I got scared thinking she was going to drill me into remembering one man of the MANY I rang up for thongs and lingerie during the Valentine’s week cuz there was NO WAY I was going to remember. But she said, “At least he swears he came to this very location and got me a thong with rhinestones on it.”

I just blinked and nodded, what else was I supposed to say?

“I know he’s lyin’ though because the thong is missing rhinestones on it and it had lint on it like it had been washed” She said in a suspicious tone. “So they must be used. It just means he’s runnin’ around on me again” She sighed.

“I’m sorry…” I felt really bad for her, no one should be lied to.

“Yeah I mean he thinks he’s gotten away with it this time. Cuz you know this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. But the lint just proves it” She said solemnly.

I kinda wanted to point out that it was probably a good idea he washed them but she seemed set in her thinking and said before I could speak, “Well, have a good day hon”

“You too……” I said a little at a loss for words.

I dunno about you guys but I would hope if my wife bought me panties that were hanging up and not packaged, she would wash them before I wore them because people touch everything and you dunno where those fingers have been…Also, if you’re wondering if your man is cheating on you, the lint proves everything! Who knew?

Friday, July 6, 2012

CPCF- Hours


CPCF-Hours



Hours? What about hours? Well every store has them, those pesky hours that certain establishments choose to force employees to drag themselves into work and start the day filled with grubby retail consumers. So naturally you get the occasional phone call for the person who doesn’t look on line for something as simple as your work hours. I understand not everyone in the world has internet or has access on their phone so calling to double check is perfectly fine. It’s usually the quickest and most painless phone call a retail person can have because it consists of; the customer calls and asks what your hours are and you tell them, and then they usually say thank you and hang up if they don’t have any other questions. This seems simple, yes? I used to think so but apparently here in the crack of Maryland called Dundalk it’s really NOT that simple. Let me explain…

It was an early morning and I was getting the paper work ready for the day when the phone rang. I put the pen down and reached for the phone. After taking in a collective breath just in case it was a difficult phone call I hit the green ‘Talk’ button and said, “Good morning, Love Lips, how can I help you?”

“What is this?” A man sounding in his early 30’s said.

I sighed…it never mattered how much of a delay I gave, or how slow and clear I talked, I ALWAYS was asked what the store was, “This is Love Lips the Adult Novelty Store” I said in as much of a neutral tone as I could.

“Oh good, I was just wondering what your hours were” He said in a chipper voice.

“Monday through Saturday we’re opened from 9:30 am to 10 pm. On Sunday we’re open from 11 am to 6 pm.”

“Oh great, I didn’t know you were open on Sunday’s! That’s great….” There was a pause before he said, “So what are your weekday hours?”

I blinked, I really thought saying Monday through Saturday included the weekday hours but apparently saying we were open the same hours on Saturday threw him off so I said in a clear, possibly irritated tone, “Monday through Friday” I made a point to emphasize on Friday because Friday ends a week and he apparently needed to hear that, “…we are open from 9:30 in the morning to 10 o’clock at night. On Saturday we’re open from 9:30 am to 10 at night. Sunday we’re open at 11am and close at 6pm” I said all this slowly and as clearly as I could.

“Oh…ok so on the weekdays you’re open at 9:30 and close at 10pm?” He made it sound like I was saying it wrong because his voice got crisp at the point he said ‘weekdays’.

I glared at the plexi-glass frame and said through pinched lips. “Yes sir…” Yay! You get a gold star, precious!

“Okay! Thanks” He hung up.

I stared at the phone after I hung up still not sure that really happened. I didn’t think the first way I said it was confusing but apparently in Dundalk even the most simple task requires a map and hand puppets….even if you’re just telling someone when you open and close.