Friday, January 27, 2012

CPCF- Call This Number

CPCF- Call This Number



LOOK!!! A Crazy Phone Call Friday!!! I promised you guys I’d post one on Friday and here it is!!! I am probably overly excited about this but I miss writing for this series of my blog. So please excuse the dorkiness. But I hope you enjoy the entry nevertheless. So here…we…go!

It was Monday afternoon, it had been dead ALL day and I was slowly going insane regardless of reading a fantastic book on my Nook Simple Touch, the day was THAT slow. So when the phone rang I was grateful to be doing something other than reading. “Love Lips, how can I help you?”

“Well hello there” A man chuckled in an overly friendly tone.

“Um…hi…?” I said slowly, I had a feeling this wasn’t going to be a good conversation.

“How’s business? Have ya been busy?” He said with a smile in his voice.

“Yes we have” I lied, the bad feeling increased about where this conversation was headed.

“Well now the question is; is that a good thing for you?” He joked teasingly and chuckled again.

I felt my eyebrow twitch, this wasn’t our ‘how much are your cock rings’ guy but he was becoming equally as annoying so I said in a even yet firm tone, “Is there something I can help you with?”

He chuckled like my firm voice was amusing to him; it really made me wish I could punch him in the face, “I have a deal for you” He said in a silky tone.

“Excuse me?” I said in an irritated tone. I know I’ve written about this guy before but I never found out what this deal was, so I figured I’d keep going.

He chuckled again, “I said I have a deal for ya, do you have a boyfriend?”

“I don’t believe that’s any of your business” I said, my tolerance waning.

His chuckle turned into laughter, “Well do you?”

“What do you want?” I said pointedly.

“I want to offer you a deal…” He said in a sleazy voice.

“Tell me what you’re talking about or I’m hanging up” I was only keeping this conversation going for the blog’s sake.

His voice faulted for a second, “Well, like I’ve been saying I want to offer you a deal, now what I’m going to do is give you a phone number…I want you and your boyfriend to call it in 2 hours”

Seriously? This is insane! I wonder how many people actually call! “No thanks” I said flatly.

“But you haven’t---” He stammered.

“I don’t need to hear anymore of this ‘deal’. Get a life and never call this number back” I hung up the phone and placed it back in the charger.

Some people really have no life, maybe next time he calls, for everyone entertainment I’ll call the number he gives out and see how crazy the phone conversation really gets LOL

Friday, January 6, 2012

CFCP- Hired Males

CPCF- Hired Males



YAY!!!! It’s another CPCF entry! I was getting very sad with the lack of fun conversations I’ve had on the phone with people lately. Sure we’ve had some special wrong 411 calls but nothing that was blog worthy. Then around Christmas we got a phone call worthy of being written so here it is, the first CPCF that we’ve had in a long time and also the very first CPCF for 2012!!



The phone rang, I begrudgingly put down my book and hit the ‘Talk’ button and said, “Love Lips, how can I help you?”

“Hi, I was wondering if you hired males?” A younger sounding man said on the other line.

“Excuse me?” I sadly was thinking he was talking about prostitutes.

“Are you hiring?” He said with a sardonic voice then continued before I could answer, “I’ve been calling all over Dundalk and no one is hiring. You’re the last store on my list…” He said in a tired voice, “So do you, like, have an application or hire at all?”

Wow…Alright then… “I’m sorry but we’re not hiring right now but I can print you out an application if you come in. We’re a smaller store and don’t hire often because we don’t have a big turnover rate, I’m sorry. But I’d be happy to print you an application” I said in a very sympathetic voice, I was unemployed for 6 months before I finally got a call from Love Lips, so I know how hard it is to find a job. I also know some people take applications to prove to unemployment they’re looking for jobs.

“Oh ok…” He said in a defeated voice but then said in a slightly annoyed tone, “I wasn’t even sure you hired male workers” He said it slowly and clearly like he was trying to make a point.

Instant irritation hit me. Seriously? You’re going to be a jack-ass to me after I apologized when I didn’t have to? Grrr!!!!Ass-hat! So I said in a strong voice to be very clear, “Of course we hire men. If we didn’t that would be discrimination and sexist. We had two men working at one point so I’m not sure where you’re going with this…”

“O-Oh………Ok well thanks!” He hung up in a hurry.

This isn’t the 1800’s where jobs were defined by sex…not to mention most adult stores are usually all men- at least all the ones I’ve ever been in. What an ass-hat. But at least it made for a good story, right?

Monday, January 2, 2012

Men's Section

How was everyone’s New Years?? Can you believe its 2012? I sure as hell can’t!! 2011 flew by, I’m still getting used to writing down 2012 instead of 2011. I hope you all had a GREAT New Years Eve’s and didn’t party too hard. Well, now that it’s the New Year I am looking forward to seeing what happens here at Love Lips. I know I apologize each week for not posting on the days that I assigned myself but lately it we haven’t had many memorable people. So I sadly think I’m going to cut down my writing to 2 times a week. I haven’t quite come up with a good schedule but when I do I will let you all know. So for now please bear with me and keep checking back for updates. I’ll have a schedule figured out by the end of January, I promise! But for now, this Monday I have a good story for your enjoyment. Thank you for your continuing support!! Now, I have a question for you all…If someone said to you do you have a “men’s section” what would you think? Clothes, right? Well apparently I was wrong.



Men’s Section



. I was musing how it was almost 70 degrees in December when the Love Lips door jingled early one bright and sunny morning. A younger gentleman who looked to be in his early-thirties who was surprisingly clean shaven and dressed rather nice came in. I only remember this because in Dundalk no one really dresses like they’re going to be seen by other people. Hygiene is optional and clothes that you wore last week are acceptable here so when you see someone who is dressed normally, you notice. It is sad but very true here in Dundalk, no joke.  So back to the story! I smiled and said, “Good morning, if I can help you with anything let me know”

I usually don’t get ‘yeah I need help’ from men so I went back to doing my morning paper work when he walked over to the front of my fish bowl and leaned in to say, “Yeah…um…do you have a men’s section?”

With my eyebrow raised I said, “Men’s lingerie is right there” I pointed to the left of me where there was a bright neon green sign said “Men’s Lingerie” that no one ever seems to see.

He walked over to the section and paused before saying to me again, “Is this all you have for men?”

“In lingerie, yes, everything we have is out on the floor, we don’t have back stock.” I now looked up to see he had moved closer to the front of the fish bowl again and stared longingly towards the toy section. “What exactly are you looking for?”

“A men’s section…” He said kind of wistfully and moodily.

“What do you mean by a ‘men’s section’?” I was really not getting what he meant by that.

“A section that is specifically product for men?” He said with a sheepish voice.

Now getting slightly irritated I said, “Are you talking about toys?”

“Yeah” He said, like he’d never thought of asking such a question.

“What kind are you looking for?” I said in a flat voice, this was getting slightly ridiculous.

“Um…toys for men?” He said like I was thick.

“Like butt plugs? Pocket pussies? Penis Pumps? Cock rings? Penis Extensions?” I mean seriously, If you are looking for something specific TELL ME! I’m not a mind reader!!!

“Butt plugs?” He snorted and looked slightly offended but then sobered up when I mention the rest of the toys, “Yeah, I wanted to look at the pocket pussies”

“They’re down here” I walked down the length of my cage and pointed to the ‘men’s section’ and said “closer to the magazines” I wasn’t sure about getting out of my cage to show him everything because we’re technically not supposed to leave it but I do sometimes if people just really can’t find something.He walked around that section for a while and then perused the DVD’s before he went back to the pocket pussy section and picked one out then brought it to the turn style. The transaction went without words and when I said, “Have a great day” he just ignored me. I will never understand why men get so wigged out being in a sex toy store to the point of not being able to tell the clerk what they’re looking for. It’s like they’re buying tampons…only a sex toy is more fun that a tampon in my opinion…But maybe not for some people? Oh you know what I mean!