Short and Not so Sweet Stories: Part VI- Buying DVD's

Short and Not so Sweet Stories: Part VI

Buying DVD’s

Ahhh Porn, it makes the world go ‘round and it keeps men’s attention for the 2 seconds it takes them to jerk off. I personally have never found porn stimulating enough to buy one that cost me more than $4. Yes, I’ve bought porn. Just once, to see what it was all about and was sadly disappointed with what I got. Sure, some may say buy porn that’s priced higher cuz you get better quality porn. This isn’t hand lotion or kitchen supplies, higher priced porn doesn’t guarantee anything better than a $4 porn. Trust me; I’ve also watched porn back-to-back at varying price ranges at Love Lips once. Why? Cuz I got chewed out once by a customer that I should know SOMETHING about porn because when I first started I had NEVER watched any porn in my life. So I watched porn and it didn’t do anything for me. I mainly just laughed at how ridiculous it all was. Why we're on the topic of porn, I would offically like to say to the male species, lesbian porn is all BULLSHIT. I’ma lesbian and I can vouch that 99% of what happens in lesbian porn does NOT happen in a REAL lesbian’s bedroom. Sorry to be a kill joy but don’t be so naive. Anyway, the point to this short rant is to set the stage for the short story that I’m about to tell you. Enjoy!

It was a good Monday morning and I had a decent flow of customers that kept me either really busy or really not busy. I was sitting in the fish bowl playing a game on my Nook when the Love Lips jingle sounded. I had just hit ‘pause’ on my game when a well groomed, overly powerful cologne smelling (yes I could smell it even from behind the glass), and greased back hair of a Latino man walked up to where I was behind the counter. I realize how cliché that description sounds but I’m 100% serious. "Can I help you?" I could tell by how he carried himself this wasn’t going to be a good conversation.

"Yeah, I bought 2 or 3 DVD’s from here the other day and I, like watched them all…and stuff and I wanted to know- Do you buy DVD’s back?"

You couldn’t have called with this question? "No, I’m sorry, we do not buy back DVD’s" I looked away from him and down at the floor because this could either go smoothly or end up in a fight and I wanted my body language to say ‘I’m really not interested in this conversation so go away’ an what better way than to ignore him?

"What if I, like returned them?" He shifted his weight, trying to keep my eye contact.

I looked up at him and said with a sardonic smile, "You can’t return DVD’s here" I wasn’t going to go into the fact we DO return DVD’s IF they’re DAMAGED. I actually once had a guy yell and cuss at me that he was going to go outside and smash the DVD’s so he could get his money back…that was a fun day (insert sarcasm)

His body language got a tad aggressive and his voice dripped with arrogance, "Well what am I supposed to do with them?"

"Not sure" I said with as much ‘I don’t give a shit, not my problem’ tone as I could. But then my customer service side kicked in, "Love Craft’s don’t buy DVD’s so try another porn store, there are many on Rt. 40" Maybe even try the ‘Movie’ stores that say ‘We Buy and Trade DVD’s’…precious…

He kind of just stared at me after that and I stared at him. I kind of felt like we were too wild cats deciding if fighting to the death was worth it when he finally took a few steps back. "Alright, thanks" He said in a gruff, non-happy voice and left the store.

So, this wild cat lives another day to verbally bitch smack down the next bone-headed customer that thinks just because I’m a women in a plexi-glass fish bowl I must not bite. Bitch please. I bite, just ask my wife.