A Good Story from 2010

Ok I think the best story to start with is The Chicken Box Man. Oh yes, I said Chicken Box Man. Before I explain; this story is NOT to insinuate a stereo-type on the African American culture and is NOT meant as a racist entry, I am merely blogging what happened and am not intending to offend anyone’s culture, habits, or views. This is strictly for entertainment purposes only based around an actual event I was a part of. With that said let me explain……

It was probably a Thursday or Friday afternoon. I remember thinking my shift was almost up and I could go home and relax when the Love Lips door chime jingled and a young African American couple came through the door. Upon saying hello and asked how their day was I noted that the young woman was probably in her early 30’s possibly late 20’s. The young man that was with her was around the same age. He was decked out in all kinds of bling and had the famed gold teeth. They looked painful to talk with as he said hello back to me. I watched their progress around the store as I checked things on my phone periodically, watching them but giving them some privacy as they looked around. I remember he got really excited with some of the porn selection we had and he made obscene jokes and teased the young woman he was with. This didn’t surprise me at all because it happened often. Bad jokes and puns I had become accustomed to hearing, I mean how can you not joke? It’s a porn store for goodness sake! So anyway, I continued to watch them periodically. Eventually after a short while the young man asked me if we had porno on VHS. I pointed to where the rather large selection at the time was and that they were $2.00 each. After I made sure he saw where the VHS tapes were I heard him dialing on his cell phone and this is how the conversation went:

“Hey man, you gotta come over here to the Porn Store” He paused listening to the person on the other line for a minute before continuing, “Yeah they got VHS tapes. Yeah really, like the VCR tapes.” Another long pause as he looked over one of the tapes, “$2.00. Ok.” He shut his cell phone.

I was lamenting in my head how amazed people are that our store sells VHS tapes. I wasn’t surprised because the corporation had started in the late ‘80’s and I was told that they were still trying to get rid of them after all this time. The warehouse was full of them still and was desperately trying to get rid of them. It also was amusing that a few still had the original prices on them and they were oober expensive. But before I could go further with that the train of thought the door chimed again and an older African American gentleman walked through the door. I said my hello’s but was ignored as the man passed the cash register. I noted that he was curious looking because his face was covered in giant cyst looking bumps all over his face. I felt kind of sorry for him until he opened his mouth and then I could hardly believe what was said and happened after.

“What are you talkin’ about?” He said gruffly as he walked up to the younger man.

“They have VHS tapes, look” The younger man held out a VHS tape to the older man.

“Man, I can’t believe you made me come in here just for this sh*t” He looked angry but nonetheless walked closer to look at the other VHS tapes.

“Sorry, I thought you’d want to see cuz I know how you like to watch those old tapes” The younger man looked amused despite his friend yelling at him.

The young woman was looking at toys with the young man while the older man looked through the tapes. He finally found 2 tapes and brought them to the front counter. I rang them through and it came to $4.00 all together. I told the older man the price and that’s when things hit the fan and it was hard to keep a straight face.

“FOUR dollars?!?!?” He yelled at me.

I blinked and looked at the screen to make sure I hadn’t made any errors then back over to him. “Yes, they’re $2 each….”

“Then why’s it FOUR dollars?!”

I raised my eyebrow and said again as calmly as I could, “They are $2 EACH and together they’re $4”

He looked at me angrily and then (thankfully) the young woman said in my defense. “Dad, they’re $2 a piece and added together they’re $4”

He looked at her as she spoke then looked down at the VHS tapes like they had called him a bad name. “Oh hell no! I ain’t pay’n no $4 for two VHS tapes! I can get a chicken box AND hooker for $4!!!!” He continued to rant as he put one of the VHS tapes away his back turned to us.

I could NOT believe he just said that! I mean seriously?! I looked at him trying not to jaw drop on the counter. But I kept my mouth shut as the young woman started to yell just as loudly back at him.

“Dad that’s nasty! No hooker is $4 and if she was she’d be da*n nasty and filled with STD’S! Besides where would you find a hooker for $4!?”

“Da city, don’t you act like you don’t know!” He said moodily as he put the VHS tape down.

He was walking back to the counter at this point as they bickered back and forth about whether or not the hooker for $4 would have STD’s or not as he paid for his 1 VHS tape. I was trying not to laugh at this point because the argument was heated and they both were dead serious with one another. They literally fought their sides of the argument right out of the store. No one heard my “Have a nice day!” nor did they care. Apparently fighting about a chicken box and a hooker for $4 was more important……who knew?