Good Afternoon my Porn Store Followers! I hope the time change isn’t affecting you guys as much as it’s affecting me. Boy am I sleepy! Yeesh! Anyway! As you know I’ve been going through old Face Book posts to find the posts that I wish I could have elaborated on and I found two charming little stories that happened around Christmas time. These are definitely stories with a moral; if you don’t want to know/see the real answers to your questions then don’t ask! The stories also teach this; you don’t know your friends as well as you thought you did. Let me explain….
It was a few weeks before Christmas and everyone and their brother was either buying joke gifts for family or sexual gifts for their husband/wife. This brought all sorts of questions and weird combinations of toys and games that people bought together. But I think the most puzzling question I’ve ever had happened sometime in those few weeks. I was moving things around in the store to take down empty pegs and rearranging the store when the door chime jingled and in walked a woman who looked like she just got off work at a toll booth on the highway, she was an older woman probably in her late 40’s early 50’s. She looked like she had a hard day and that she really wasn’t sure why she had come into a store like this but she was on a mission. She walked right past me with a gruff “hello” after I had greeted her with my usual schpeal. I assumed she knew what she was looking for because she went straight to the “bondage” section of the store and was looking over things. So I went back behind the counter to put away the pegs I had collected when she finally said “Oh hell, I don’t know what it would be called…let me get right to the point- do you have something like a dog muzzle for a man”
This was a curious way to describe it. I went back around the counter towards her saying; “We don’t have muzzles per-say but we have these” I showed her the various ball gags, bridal looking bits, fishhooks that open the mouth (but is hard to speak with in your mouth anyway), and the ball gag that has the big piece of leather that covers the entire mouth to keep the wearer from speaking period. I noticed that as I showed her these items her comfort level got more and more obviously uncomfortable.
Nose turned up she said, “I’m not looking for these, I’m looking for a dog muzzle for man!”
Now totally confused I looked at her with a careful expression because I could see she was becoming flustered. “I don’t understand” Hoping she would tell me something besides what she had been telling me.
Tisking her teeth with her tongue she said again like I wasn’t hearing her, “I want a muzzle made for a man” She said slower, like this was going to help.
I raised a skeptical eyebrow, not appreciating being treated like I was a slow person. “Well ma’am if you’re looking for a dog muzzle you’re going to need to look at Petsmart. As far as I know there is no such thing because a muzzle goes over an animal’s snout and humans don’t have snouts….The things I showed you are the only things to keep someone from speaking in an Adult Store.”
She sighed to herself seeing that I just wasn’t able to open her head and pull out the image she was looking for and said, “Ok…explain these to me one more time…”
Seeing she might just be confused and someone who can’t explain her thoughts easy I went over each item one more time, a little more slowly so she saw exactly how they fit into the mouth. During this she was covering up the woman in the image that was wearing a bra and granny looking panties and said something about how could someone pose for pictures like that? She kept trying to cover the women in other pictures as well and exclaiming that it was far too provocative! Not allowing her quiet comments hinder me in educating her in the difference of the products I continued and tried not to smile at her trying to not look at any boxes that had a scantily clad woman on it after seeing it was pointless trying to cover the boxes up, which I have to give her credit for trying but it is a pretty hard feat. I mean she WAS in a sex store…half naked women happen.
After I finished she said, “Ok…I wasn’t aware of how expensive some of these were…it was just supposed to be a joke for my sister’s husband….ya know? To quiet him from talking….he may never use it obviously” She was still flustered but now embarrassed. I kind of felt sorry for her despite her being rude to me.
Now understanding a little more I talked her into buying the $10.95 horse looking bridal bit because it was still animal oriented and could be looked at a joke in that sense, didn’t have a half naked woman on it, AND it wasn’t too much money. She left with what she was looking for (kind of) and mumbled more about not knowing why a sex store wouldn’t have a muzzle for dog only meant for a man. I’m now starting to wonder why too. That way I can put it on customers who annoy me.
The next story happened around the same time but for different reasons. It was a quieter day in the busy weeks we had been having and I was relaxing behind the counter reading a book when a younger woman walked into the store. She had to have been in her early 30’s and she walked straight up to the side of the counter. Upon seeing she was going to ask a question I tagged my book with a book mark and then smiled up at her. “Can I help you?”
“Maybe, I am looking for cheaper stuff for a friend who’s getting married. She is into that bondage stuff.”
Ha! That is an easy gift idea! I showed her all the bondage stuff we had like the hand cuffs, blind folds, whips, and kits for tying someone up. She was following my hand as I suggested these things and she said in a voice that was becoming more timid but confident “Um…I’m sure they have all these things”
Ok, well that kind of nicks any of the other ideas I had so I asked a rational question assuming with how confident she sounded with her last answer she might know, “What kind of bondage are they into?”
It was one of those “I wish I had a camera moments”. Her head snapped around violently I thought she might give herself whip-lash. Eyes bugged out she said; “Wha…What do you mean?”
Seeing I may have assumed too soon she had a good knowledge of her friends “habits” I tried to quickly fix the frightened look on her face. I explained that there is softcore bondage which is sometimes just like typing up, tickled with feathers, and possibly lightly whipped to hardcore bondage where (from what I hear) there are nipple clamps, hot wax, and more heavy whipping tools. I didn’t get fully into all the hardcore stuff because her eyes were already threatening to pop out of her skull as it was. I went around the counter and showed her a candle that melts into hot massage oil. It was $14.95 and as a uni-sex gift idea.
She looked at me skeptically and with a sassy eyebrow raised she said; “It gets hot?”
Bemused I said smiling sweetly; “It’s a candle, so yes it will get kinda hot, I mean they could blow the candle out and let it cool if they wanted before using”
“But wouldn’t that burn them???” This was starting to make me think of that hot coffee story at McDonalds a while back…OI!
Holding my smile firmly in place I said, “If they poured it without letting it cool yes it would kinda burn, but the point of some bondage is pain can be transformed into pleasure and it goes with that form of love-making”
She stared at the candle like it was going to start doing a dance and possibly answer the questions she didn’t want to ask me but then threw her hands up and walked away from the counter. “Ya know if I knew this was the kinda sh*t she was into I would’ve agreed to get her the other things on her list….and honestly if I knew more about what she was into I don’t think I’d be friends with her anymore.” She picked out some metal handcuffs and a blind fold and tossed them at me on the counter. After paying for them she left in a mood suited for a diva.
I blinked after she left and am grateful that the friends I have either don’t speak to me about sexual things or if they do, they don’t judge that harshly enough to break a friendship over something that doesn’t involve them. It’s a funny world isn’t it? So the moral of this story: If you have issues with types of sex don’t ask your friends what they like or do, you’re definitely NOT going to get the answer you want apparently.
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