I-695 and Other Tales?

I-695 and Other Tales?

I was talking to my wife the other day saying how boring Love Lips has been and that I’ve officially started to run out of good blog topics. We started to think about anything else crazy that we have witnessed worthy of a blog update. My brilliant wife reminded me of two very, VERY, special stories and I believe it is something that you all will enjoy.

I-695

This happened a year ago but it is totally worth writing about. My wife and I were driving towards Essex on I-695 on our way home from somewhere the other end of the beltway. It was rush hour and we were making pointless conversation, talking about anything because the traffic was moving at snail pace. We were coming around the bend near Towson when the traffic started to pick up. I was ranting about something when I noticed two cars diagonal from us roll their windows down. One of the cars was playing horrible rap music and I said, “Really? I don’t want to listen to that…” I was turning up my CD of rock music when my wife continued to move forward, traffic was breaking yet again and everyone was driving 40 miles an hour. “Sweet! We’re finally moving!” I say sarcastically.

“Do you want to take the back roads?” She said as she eyeballed taking the Loch Raven exit.

“Nah…It’ll get better around the bend” I said as I sat back in my chair and then I gasped and pointed. “Oh-My-God…are you SERIOUS?!”

“What??” My wife said in a concerned voice and then followed my finger.

The two cars diagonal from us were doing something very special. The passenger in one of the cars literally was hanging 90% of his body out the car window as the driver of the car moved dangerously close to the car with the dangling man. I was hardly able to believe what I was seeing; the car pulled INCHES from the other car as they drove 30 miles an hour down I-695. The man hanging out of the one car wobbled and tried to keep his balance as he reached into the other car’s driver side window. I covered my mouth to suppress a giggle as I saw him give the driver money and then receive a baggy of drugs. The cars were weaving back and forth, almost touching as they the traffic picked up speed. They had to be doing 50 miles an hour as the man dangling from the window ungracefully and slowly pulled himself back into the car. I looked around at the other cars wondering if anyone else found this completely INSANE. That man had been dangling from the car, holding onto the window frame with his knees. My wife and I were laughing because we had no idea what to think. That literally was the most insane thing I think I’ve ever seen on the highway besides watching an old lady knitting as she drove. What is this world coming to? I mean you seriously couldn’t be like any other normal drug dealer and do this in a parking lot full of a lot of people?

….and Other Tales?

Since we’re on the topic of drugs let’s add another to the mix, shall we? This one is equally as special, I promise! So, this happened about 3 years ago when I first met my wife at a New Age store in White Marsh. We were thinking about dating and spent half the night sitting in my car talking about things, getting to know one another. It was probably 2am and our conversation was slowly winding down due to sleepiness and we were talking about possibly going on a real date instead of sitting in each other’s car when across the parking lot two supped up cars screech into a Food Dog parking lot. Curious we both look over and the two cars roll their windows down.

“I hope we’re not going to get shot” Horrible scenario’s flashed in my over imaginative brain.

“Nah, it’s probably a drug deal” she said to me.

“How do you know?”

“I live in Reisterstown, I’ve seen plenty” She said half teasing me for my naivety, and half totally serious.

So we watch as two smoking hot girls get out of both cars and the volume of the music in one of the cars goes up to the point we can hear it from over where we are, which is a good distance away. The girls start to dance up against the cars and with each other, screaming and laughing as they danced to the music. Now you would think that two lesbians would be like, “Oh look! Hot chicks!! Let’s watch……” Nope we were watching the super dark windows slide down and a drug exchange being made. The girls danced and talked super loud for a good 10-15 minutes before they hoped into their car and both sped away in opposite directions. Thinking that they had made a good enough distraction as the drug exchange was made. Too bad it just drew attention to that fact…

So the moral of this blog entry kids, is if you’re going to do a drug exchange…… DON’T BE SO STUPIDLY OBVIOUS YOU MORONS!!!! Just because the purple hippo stopped staring at you after your high crashed doesn’t mean humans can’t see you get more drugs to stop the hippo from eating your toes later. This message brought to you by: The person who sees your epic fail attempt to be smooth and un-obvious at getting/dealing drugs.