The Chronicles of ( M )

I’m baaaccckkk!!! I apologize to the followers I have on this blog that I haven’t been updating but due to a melted mother board in my girlfriend’s computer I have been helplessly without a working computer let alone with internet for a while now. But thanks to my girlfriend’s *wonderful* Father the moody computer is now fixed and up and running again! So much has happened since the last time I was able to update and I plan to catch you all up on it ASAP! But I wanted to dedicate this post to a fellow Love Lips employee who wishes to be called ( M ). I had told ( M ) that I had been posting the crazy stories in full detail of the crazy people I’ve encountered and he thought it was a great idea and wanted to know if I could make him a weekly appearance on here. Why not? He has some great stories also! Sometimes we talk after our shifts and share these interesting and weird stories. So now his stories as well as mine can be archived here which will add to the fun! He has pre-written these stories on Facebook Notes so I have copied and pasted them onto this blog. For grammar and spelling sake I have cleaned it up just a tad but it is 99% all of ( M )’s stories as he wrote them the day of each encounter. So today I present to you, the first entry of; The Chronicles of ( M )

Chronicles of ( M ); Part I

So we will call these ladies Brittney and Rosa. Brittney was barely over 18, and Rosa was about the same only she looked to be about 35. As these ladies walk around the store, I’m playing some music that was upbeat and non-depressing and as they shopped I can see them feelin’ it, so I let the music play on. But as they are looking around I’m listening to their conversation and they are attempting to act like professionals. Good thing to know we have professional 18yr olds having sex these days! Well, Rosa comes up to me and asks if we have the "liberator". I had never heard of this item so I asked her what it was and she told me it is a chair that changes positions for sex. We definitely don’t have anything like that so I told her I’d look it up and see where she can find it. As I’m looking it up on my computer she tells me they are $1,000.00 in China. Upon finding a match on the internet I said, “Well, I found one on the Liberator website for $400.00”.

She responds by saying matter-of-factly, "Well I’d rather do that cuz I ain’t driving to no China for a chair!"  

I just smile and say, “Your total is $43.30” all the while thinking; In Dundalk we live, and ask dumb questions they shall.

~ ( M )

Chronicles of ( M ); Part II

So yesterday I had a couple come in to our little shop of fantasy and this couple was very immediate, they knew exactly what they were looking for. They didn’t even pass the cash register, which is located in the front of the store; they just came right up to me on the other side of the counter to ask me about the item they wanted. The couples in question were a black couple bout 30-35yr old range. It’s not often people come to the counter knowing what they’re looking for let alone making light conversation. So needless to say they had my full attention as they said this was their first time in our store and that they were looking for China Shrink Cream. Now for those of you who just have no clue what this is; it’s a cream that is inserted into the vagina and causes the muscles to fill with blood and give the sexual partner the feeling that the person “wearing” the shrink cream is a virgin or has a tighter vagina. Now this seemed to be an ordinary sale, except the woman in this couple had an Adam’s apple. So…it makes you wonder what is the shrink cream for? 

~ ( M )