Do Not Tap on the Glass!!
If I had a quarter for every time someone taps on the new plexi-glass fish bowl the Love Lips employees now reside behind I’d be pushing a millionaire. I am thinking that I need to update you all of the priceless questions I’ve heard and responses I’ve made for your viewing pleasure. I don’t think anyone can fully understand the aggravation that happens with the new fixture and I shouldn’t keep it all to myself. So here are a few good ones for you, and I’m sure I’ll be updating this list as the year passes by.
#1- The Shocked and Disbelieving
A man, who looked like he was one of the happiest people you could ever have the pleasure running into, walked in our store and with a smile that would put Johnny Depp’s smile to shame. Mr. Smiley tapped lightly on the plexi-glass and said to me in a joking voice, “What’s all this for? You all get robbed or something?” He smiled another big dimpled smile.
Already thoroughly annoyed with being asked this question I said somewhat cynically, “Yeah actually, we got robbed twice in a row” I smiled a thin smile.
If I could’ve taken a picture I would have, Mr. Sunshine’s face totally deflated on itself and he looked shocked, angry, sad, and annoyed all rolled into a questionable look of pure emotion, “Are you serious?!”
“Yup…” Nope, we just really liked how it looked?
He parted his lips and let out an exasperated sigh, “Unbelievable…I’m glad you’re all ok” He almost looked like he didn’t want to believe what I just told him.
#2- The Demented and Slow-This has happened so often it may show up more than once with these installments.
Enter the image of an overly large hilly-billy man to a young African-American thug, I’ve been asked this mainly by men to varying degrees. They always tap three times usually loudly or softly enough that it feels like nails on a chalk board, “This is new”
“Yup…” No shit Sherlock! I didn’t notice that I went from NOT being behind a plexi-glass cage to having one! It was like magic! Just add water!!! (Enter more cynical sarcasm here)
“Why’d you put this up?” Followed by a few more taps and moving un-necessarily close to the glass looking down at me.
“We got robbed twice” Why sugar coat it?
“Seriously?” Now imagine varying stages of incredulity, blank, and un-sure looks from befuddled men.
“Yes” Nope, I like lying that two of my employees were held at knife point!!
“Oh…” Then they always continue walking into the store…that or ask me again if I’m serious about us being robbed.
#3- The Claustrophobic Question.
The CORRECT way to ask if being behind a plexi-glass cage is Claustrophobic; A very nice older woman walks into Love Lips asking me questions about bullets, I come out from behind the cage and help her pick one out that she might like. It was a very good sale transaction and she was very friendly. As I’m ringing her up she leans in close to the turn-style and says, “Aren’t you Claustrophobic back there?”
“You get used to it after a while, honestly.” I stamp her receipt as ‘Tested OK’.
“I couldn’t handle being back there, I’d go stir-crazy. Does it at least make you feel safe?”
“Yeah, it kinda does and we definitely haven’t had any issues since it’s been put up” It was true; no one had been questionable since it’s gone up. I pushed the turn-style around so her purchase showed up on the other side.
“Well take care of yourself” She took her bag and left the store.
The INCORRECT way to ask if being behind a plexi-glass cage is Claustrophobic; A very robust man waddled into Love Lips and tapped on the glass saying, “You guys get robbed?”
“Yes” I said in a tired voice. I was still sitting in my chair and debating if I really wanted to stand up just yet.
“Oh wow I LOVE your tattoos!” He pressed himself up against the plexi-glass and almost smeared his greasy nose on the glass to look down at me, his one hand slowly petting the glass.
Yes, this was beyond creepy but I also was thanking my fishbowl from keeping him on one side, AWAY from me…God only knows if he would’ve leaned over the counter to pet ME if it wasn’t up.
“My wife just got a cherry blossom tattoo…branches that go over her chest…” He pet both sides of his chest showing that the branches would spread across both of her breasts if she was here all the while staring at my tattoos.
“Cool…” I stood up then and pretended to be busy answering an E-mail from the warehouse as he went into the store to look around.
He sadly didn’t buy anything but came back to where I was and said, “Don’t you get Claustrophobic back there?”
“Nope” And today I could’ve kissed my damned fishbowl from protecting me from people like you!
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