Mastering the Silent Creeper
Yup, you read that right. There are not many people are worthy of mastering such a technique. The only worthy people tend to be psychopath killers in horror movies, my fiancée, and best friend. True Story, I promise. This story however did not happen at Love Lips, it happened at my neighborhood Woowoo (a gas station and also deli…don’t hurt yourself thinking too hard about what it’s really called, just go with it) but like My Starschmucks Adventure it was good enough to be added to my blog nevertheless.
It was the beginning of the month of November when this happened, right after work. I had a request from my fiancée to stop at Woowoo to get a soft pretzel for her and because it was on my way home and she was already at home. I really didn’t want to stop anywhere, I just wanted to go home but she doesn’t usually ask for much so I decided I should be nice and get her one. It was already dark out and it felt like it was closer to 9pm rather than 6pm. It was relatively busy at Woowoo considering the time but I thankfully found a parking spot on the side of the building with ease. I went into the fine establishment of Woowoo only to find they were clean out of soft pretzels. I walked around the normal areas they stack them and checked in the deli section where the hot dogs were. I texted my fiancée I was coming home empty handed and while I pouted at the sad face she sent back to me I headed towards my car. I was typing back to her with my phone in both hands and my keys tucked under my arm against my breast when I saw that I couldn’t get into my car. There was a little Hyundai next to me that had both the driver and passenger side doors open, inches from touching my car and a younger girl in her 20’s bent over collecting trash from her back seat. I sent my text and then waited patiently for her to finish cleaning because she looked like she was about done. I watched her stand up and move a few things around before she went to shut the passenger side door. She realized I was standing there and jumped at seeing me. I smiled. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything but I was expecting her to say “Oh I’m sorry, here let me shut the doors so you can get into your car” because it was obvious I was trying to get in my car. Apparently I was wrong. Instead she just stood there staring at me like I was going to breathe fire. Feeling super awkward I smiled more and pointed to my car as if to say, “I need to get in my car?” Nope…she kept staring at me her mouth slightly open…After what felt like 4 hours she said slowly, “You…scared me…” I was having fun watch her be nervous, why? I don’t know! All I did know is I was envisioning my best friend doing this because she has done this exact thing to me a thousand times and it never gets less awkward even though I’ve known her for 4 years. After a few more painfully silent moments she finally closed her doors and watched my hand that was holding my phone and keys to my right breast like I was gonna pull out a knife and shank her right there. Instead, I silently got into my car and as I pulled away. As I drove away I saw her walking away typing fast on her phone. All I could think was how proud the Master’s of the Silent Creeper Society aka my fiancée and best friend would praise my development in this fine art. I also laughed because that poor girl was probably posting on FB that I was the creepiest person she’s ever met. Ever.
Epic.
Win.
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