CPCF- 'How Much' Comes Back

CPCF-‘How Much’ Comes Back

I told ya he’d end up back on the blog, didn’t I? Well for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, last week on Crazy Phone Call Friday, I posted an entry called How Much? and I lamented at the end that he’d probably earn another spot in this blog because his phone call was a prank to amuse his immature need to annoy the working class. I was right! He’s called back 4 times since but only one conversation deserved another entry. I think he’s finally caught on that I don’t have time to play games with him so I haven’t heard from him in a while. But for your enjoyment here is the conversation I had with him recently that should give you a good laugh, maybe even an eye roll or two. Happy Friday Everyone!

It was a slow day and it was the middle of my shift when the phone rang and I put my Nook down and answered the phone, glad to be doing something other than sitting. “Love Lips, how can I help you?”

“Hi, how muh are your dildo’s?” A younger man asked over the phone.

I thought briefly that this sounded like the jackass that called me a week ago but I wasn’t going to jump to the offensive just in case it was someone who actually wasn’t just calling to annoy me. “They start out at $15.95 and go up from there”

“What’s the biggest dildo you have?” He asked excitedly.

Ok…maybe this was the same jackass…So my voice became flat and bored, “10 inches long”

“That’s your biggest dildo??” He asked like it was an extremely important question he was asking.

“Yes.” What is the point of this conversation ass-hat?

“I want the BIGGEST dildo you have because I want to shove it up my ass” He said matter-of-factly.

“That sounds fantastic; do you have any other questions?” I said in a clean even tone, he really was plucking my nerves.

“Nope! Thanks!” He hung up.

Well at least that proved my theory from last time, he’s a closet gay. There are so many other toys in the store he could’ve made a joke about but chose the anal way. Hmm I guess my Gaydar isn’t that broken after all.

CPCF-Laundry Store

CPCF-Laundry Store

Hey now! Look who remembered to post a Crazy Phone Call Friday post!! Meeeee!!!! How about them apples? I know, I have no life and I should remember to post more frequently because this blog sometimes helps give me hope that my job isn’t one of the most pointless jobs in America. But anyway! I have another good one for ya on this wonderful Friday…Enjoy!

I was working on another story in Microsoft Word when the phone rang, I folded the computer up and answered the phone, “Love Lips how can I help you?”

“Yeah this is the _____ laundry store?” I’m usually good with accents but this man had a very thick and mumble-filled Indian accent and I have no idea which laundry store he was asking about.

“No sir this is Love Craft the Novelty Store…” This is when people go ‘Oh my they gave me the wrong number, sorry hon’, but today wasn’t going to be one of those days…

“No this is ______ laundry store. 410- * * *- * * * *” He said firmly.

“Yes, that’s our number but this is an Adult Sore, called Love Craft…” I said in an equally firm tone.

“410- * * *- * * * * is laundry store!” He said again in a tempered tone.

“Sir, someone gave you the wrong number, this is a SEX store, NOT a laundry store!” I said very clearly and pointedly.

“O-Oh…” He said kin of slowly, I thought I had won the argument until he said again in a heated tone, “But the phone book says 410- * * *- * * * * is laundry store”

“Well then it must be a misprint because it’s the wrong number” How many more ways could I say we didn’t have big washers and dryers where people wash their unmentionables for a certain amount of money??

“Well then it must be printed wrong” He said matter-of-factly.

Didn’t I just say that? “I’m sorry but it is printed wrong”

“Ok” He said huffily.

“Have a good day” He hung up on me without another word. All I could think was it was only 10am and that a great way to start the day…NOT!

Turned 'Lesbian'

Turned ‘Lesbian’

There are many levels of crazy that I deal with at Love Lips. Very rarely does one hit my WTF-o-meter so hard I think the entire thing may break. But occasionally one person hits it hard enough that the conversation makes me feel so uncomfortable I just dunno what to do. So, with all that being said let me tell you what happened cuz I can’t be the only one who has heard this nauseating tale.

It was a quiet-ish Thursday and I was on the computer adding bits and pieces to my fiction novel, when I heard shuffling. This Thursday was a spring-like day and I had the door open to let in the nice weather so every little noise I hear I would check the door for customers. The door doesn’t jingle if it’s being held open so I have to keep my eyes peeled for potential customers. So, I look up and see a very elderly person shuffling into the store. Now I’m still not sure to this day if this person was male or female. It was really hard to tell because this person was wearing a short bobbed wig, she/he had a big pot belly and tiny boobs, big hands, none of which can help me identify which sex the person really was. (Disclaimer: I have NO problem with transgendered people. I actually know a couple and they are like anyone else so please don’t think I am judging) But for the story’s sake I’ll call this person a woman because that’ll just be easier. “Hi, how are you today?” I said as I stood up.

“Oh hi there” She said in a signature old lady voice.

“If I can help you find anything, let me know ok?” I smiled.

“Well, is this your number?” She shuffled closer and then leaned into the turn style and showed me a hand written piece of paper that had our location’s number and the name and location of our store.

“Yes, ma’am that is our number”

“Oh good, I was out driving today so I figured I’d stop by verses calling you.”

“Well thank you” I smiled again.

“It’s so nice out! I’m not goin’ home until I have to”

I smiled, “I know! It’s great out today, I wish it would stay this way” I laughed a little, why? I dunno. Maybe cuz I knew this was going to get awkward deep down inside.

She leaned down so she almost had her face in the turn style, like it was a microphone or something and said, “I usually go down to the one of 40, near that Joppa town. They have a Love Lips down that-a-ways and I always go there.”

I continued to smile, what was I supposed to say? Oh and at this point I realized something else that was wrong with her appearance, she had something on her nose. I thought it was possibly a booger but with further staring I realized it was white nose hair curled and sticking out of her nose. Quite disturbing!

“They all have the same kinda stuff like you do, movies, toys, clothes, and those…peep booths”

Now this is when I started to question if this was a man in drag cuz the policy is we do not let women back in the booths. But I hear certain stores don’t care however. Whatever, I let it go and said, “We actually no longer have the peep booths”

“O-oh!” She looked at the purple door that used to have booths, “You all ever gonna get’em back?”

“No ma’am. They didn’t make any money” Sad but true.

“Oh…well I like to go to the peep booths in Joppa. I like to get $5 worth of those gold coins they sell and go into those tiny little booths. I usually pop in a coin and then get my dildo out of my purse and just stick it in!”

Right now, my mind is screaming OHHH MY GOD NOOOO!!!! I don’t wanna think of how a bigger old lady fit into the booths let alone that old lady shoving ANYTHING in her private region!!!! AHH!!!!! But because someone loves me in Heaven the phone rang. “Excuse me real quick, ma’am” I answered the phone singing praise to the Lord in my head. Thankfully it was my wife was on the other line and we held a short conversation and agreed we were both having a ‘special day’ and when I got off the phone with my wife I spotted the old woman looking at all the toys we had. I kept an eye on her just in case Granny decided her fingers had glue and items belonged in her medium sized hot pink purse.

When she realized I was watching she pointed to a Basix slim 7” dildo and said excitedly, ‘This is the one I always carry! It’s my favorite”

“It’s a good brand…” This was gonna get awkward fast, I could feel it.

“I love it; it’s just the right size for me. I have tons and tons of dildo’s but this one feels the best inside. Cuz I’m really tight down there.”

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God make it stop!!! My ears are bleeding!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!

“I’m a lesbian ya know” She said matter-of-factly, like I had asked the question.

“Oh…” Kay we’re slowly leaving the TMI conversation and onto a topic I…I can respect a little more. Baby steps….baby steps into neutral conversation…

“Yeah I’ve been with her for 7 years now” She said with an old lady smile.

“Well congratulations” 7 years is good! Yay for no more talk about your vagina!!

“I was married for 30 years before that. I had 4…” she held up 4 wrinkly fingers, “…kids with him too. My husband died in 2007”

Wait what? “I’m sorry for your loss”

“Yeah you think after 4 kids I wouldn’t be so tight down there but I am!” She said with a big smile.

WE’VE GONE BACK INTO THE DANGER ZONE!!! MAY DAY!!! MAY DAY!!! SOS!!! SOMETHING!! OH GOD!!!! STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR VAGINA FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!!!

“Yeah I dunno why I didn’t date any men after he died…” She kinda stared off into space and then said, “She actually works at the hospital. I’m actually not quite sure why I like women now. I mean I was married for 30 years. I wasn’t like this before” She nodded at me with a wide-eyed look.

God she changes topics fast…My head was spinning from crawling up the walls in disgust (in my head) and standing there just smiling on the outside the whole time as she talked. But I was really thinking; Dontcha jut hate when that gayness just slips its evil little toe in? Just one day BAM! You’re a lesbian! Christian women beware!

“Well I better be goin’ cuz she’ll be wonderin’ where I am. She gets real jealous! God is she ever jealous!” Her eyes got wide, “I mean if I even look at a man or woman she says ‘ I saw you lookin’!’” She shook her head and looked down, “Well that’s really the only bad thing about her. Otherwise she makes me the happiest person in the world. Ya know?”

Yes I can relate to that…Now my mind took a temporary trip to my happy place where my wife was holding me after this terrible old lady vagina conversation.

“I dunno how to explain it- she just makes me so happy and I guess there really is no way to describe it is there?”

Huh? Oh yeah! I’m still supposed to be talking to you, “That’s good she makes you happy” I smiled.

“Yeah…” She muttered something I couldn’t hear and started for the door.

“Have a good day!” I said to her retreating back.

“You too hon” She said and waved as she left the store.

Moral of the story? When you’re old and wrinkly DO NOT talk about your vagina, no matter how tight it is for being 80-90 years old. Also, invest in a nose hair trimmer. White nose hair is just as unattractive as black nose hair……

Short and Not so Sweet Stories: Part VI- Buying DVD's

Short and Not so Sweet Stories: Part VI

Buying DVD’s

Ahhh Porn, it makes the world go ‘round and it keeps men’s attention for the 2 seconds it takes them to jerk off. I personally have never found porn stimulating enough to buy one that cost me more than $4. Yes, I’ve bought porn. Just once, to see what it was all about and was sadly disappointed with what I got. Sure, some may say buy porn that’s priced higher cuz you get better quality porn. This isn’t hand lotion or kitchen supplies, higher priced porn doesn’t guarantee anything better than a $4 porn. Trust me; I’ve also watched porn back-to-back at varying price ranges at Love Lips once. Why? Cuz I got chewed out once by a customer that I should know SOMETHING about porn because when I first started I had NEVER watched any porn in my life. So I watched porn and it didn’t do anything for me. I mainly just laughed at how ridiculous it all was. Why we're on the topic of porn, I would offically like to say to the male species, lesbian porn is all BULLSHIT. I’ma lesbian and I can vouch that 99% of what happens in lesbian porn does NOT happen in a REAL lesbian’s bedroom. Sorry to be a kill joy but don’t be so naive. Anyway, the point to this short rant is to set the stage for the short story that I’m about to tell you. Enjoy!

It was a good Monday morning and I had a decent flow of customers that kept me either really busy or really not busy. I was sitting in the fish bowl playing a game on my Nook when the Love Lips jingle sounded. I had just hit ‘pause’ on my game when a well groomed, overly powerful cologne smelling (yes I could smell it even from behind the glass), and greased back hair of a Latino man walked up to where I was behind the counter. I realize how cliché that description sounds but I’m 100% serious. "Can I help you?" I could tell by how he carried himself this wasn’t going to be a good conversation.

"Yeah, I bought 2 or 3 DVD’s from here the other day and I, like watched them all…and stuff and I wanted to know- Do you buy DVD’s back?"

You couldn’t have called with this question? "No, I’m sorry, we do not buy back DVD’s" I looked away from him and down at the floor because this could either go smoothly or end up in a fight and I wanted my body language to say ‘I’m really not interested in this conversation so go away’ an what better way than to ignore him?

"What if I, like returned them?" He shifted his weight, trying to keep my eye contact.

I looked up at him and said with a sardonic smile, "You can’t return DVD’s here" I wasn’t going to go into the fact we DO return DVD’s IF they’re DAMAGED. I actually once had a guy yell and cuss at me that he was going to go outside and smash the DVD’s so he could get his money back…that was a fun day (insert sarcasm)

His body language got a tad aggressive and his voice dripped with arrogance, "Well what am I supposed to do with them?"

"Not sure" I said with as much ‘I don’t give a shit, not my problem’ tone as I could. But then my customer service side kicked in, "Love Craft’s don’t buy DVD’s so try another porn store, there are many on Rt. 40" Maybe even try the ‘Movie’ stores that say ‘We Buy and Trade DVD’s’…precious…

He kind of just stared at me after that and I stared at him. I kind of felt like we were too wild cats deciding if fighting to the death was worth it when he finally took a few steps back. "Alright, thanks" He said in a gruff, non-happy voice and left the store.

So, this wild cat lives another day to verbally bitch smack down the next bone-headed customer that thinks just because I’m a women in a plexi-glass fish bowl I must not bite. Bitch please. I bite, just ask my wife.

Padded Inserts

Padded Inserts

It was a fine Wednesday afternoon and I was finishing putting stock out after a slow morning of hardly any customer traffic when a woman walked into the store. I wasn’t facing her when I said, “Good afternoon, if I can help you with anything let me know”

“Yeah actually you can” She said in a slightly nasally voice.

I turned to face her and was visually attacked by the hideous make-up she had adorned herself with. She wasn’t an unattractive woman, quite the opposite but she had decided blush was not meant to be rubbed in. But what was the worst part about this poor idea of make-up design was her lips. She had on dark pink lip liner that did NOT outline her real lip lines and the lipstick she chose was a very light pink so it clashed horribly. She also thought that foundation and eye shadow were meant to be caked on…all of these things, for those of you who don’t know about make-up, are a serious make-up no-no…She kinda looked like an accidental clown. Despite the many flaws in her make-up choices I smiled and said, “What are ya lookin’ for?”

“Do you have those little pad inserts for your bra to make it look like your boobs are bigger?” She said as she looked around the lingerie section helplessly.

“Sorry, we do not” I continued to move product around so things looked presentable.

“Awww” She whined like a child, which made the burning desire to rub her blush in so she didn’t look like a moron harder to resist. “Really?? I can’t believe this! I’ve looked everywhere!” She pouted at me now, “Do you know where I can find them??”

“Sorry hon, I’m not sure……” I’ll never understand the padded bra or inserts…isn’t that like false advertising? Hmm…

“Damn!” She said in her pouty voice. I headed back to my cage because I was almost sure she was leaving and I still had more things to put out. But instead she said to my retreating back, “I haven’t been in here for such a long time. This is all new!” When I glared back at her she was leaning in to look at the plexi-glass cage like it had exotic animals behind it. “Did you guys get robbed or something…or is it really that dangerous?” She said in an awed tone.

I’m REALLY tired of this question…as you all may be aware of, so I said in a flat voice, “Yes, we got robbed twice…”

“O-Oh…” She looked around like someone was going to pop out and rob her right there. I rolled my eyes when my back was turned and gathered more stuff to put out on the floor she said, “Do you guys have porn DVD’s?”

“Yup…over this way” I pointed to the large selection of DVD’s. There was a slight pause in our conversation as she walked quickly through the section than asked me, “Do you have any guy on girl DVD’s?”

Seriously? “Yeah…everything that’s not Bi-Sexual, Gay, or Lesbian is Guy on Girl…” ……precious……

“Oh” She said slowly then said quickly, “Where are those movies?”

I think the caked on make-up was eating into her brain… “Everything is under a genre, so look in Action, Kinky, Young, Classic…All the labels above the DVD’s say what the section and genre is”

“Gen…re…?” She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

“Yes, a genre…” When I saw she still wasn’t getting it I said as nicely as I could, “…as in everything in that section is the same kind of plot”

“Oh! Oh!” I swear I could see the light bulb go ‘bing!’ as it turned on in her brain.

Yeah…good job precious you get a gold star! I headed back to the cage and as I opened the door she said, “I’m trying to spice up my bedroom life with getting a porn movie, do you recommend anything?”

“I don’t watch porn, but the backs of the DVD’s tell you a little about what’s in them” My wife and I have never had the need for porn stimulation in our bedroom so besides the ‘tobacco’ section that’s really the only other section I don’t know much about personally.

“Oh……” She huffed and after a while didn’t find anything ‘spicy’ enough and left the store.

The moral of this story? BLEND DAMNIT!!! When wearing blush you BLEND it in so you are showing just a HINT of color NOT clown colored cheeks! Also, foundation should BLEND so you DO NOT see the line of where you stopped applying it and it should also MATCH your natural skin color cuz the dual color thing is NOT OK……Also, eye shadows are only ok to wear heavily if you’re wearing the correct outfit for it…do not wear soccer Mom clothes and eyes that scream “I’m so tragic and emo I can’t stand it!” Another thing, DO NOT wear just lip liner and no lip stick because you look like a fool. Now…If you have questions about how to apply or wear make-up right PLEASE ask someone before walking out into public looking like a hot mess. (End rant)

Valentine's Day Vigiante

Valentine’s Day Vigilante

Ahhh…Valentine’s Day. The one week of the year besides Christmas week where Love Lips actually does good business! Both of those weeks I’m nice and busy helping people pick out outfits and buy toys to spice up their sex life for the special holiday. But what does a vigilante have to do with Valentine’s Day you ask? Trust me; this entry will be worth the time to read because it was way to epic not to write about. I also haven’t had many good stories to write about lately this definitely will make up for lost time.

February 14^th wasn’t as packed as February 13^th was but the last minute shoppers floated in and out like ocean waves. It was nice to have a store full of customers when we had a full wave of customers that started at 10am and continued throughout the day. I was enjoying the fact I actually got to help people and was able to rearrange things on the walls so we didn’t look as empty of product as we were getting. It was turning out to be a good day. Towards the end of my shift things got slower and I was getting antsy to go home myself. My wife had the whole day off to get the house ready for my Valentine’s Day surprise and I was starting to feel like a tiger in a cage with wanting to go home. But thankfully the front door jingled to alert me to an entering customer. “Hi there if I can help you with anything let me know” I looked over at the extremely intimidating biker man that sauntered into the store looking like the mannequin in the window had called him a pansy from the scowl he wore on his face looked.

“Yeah actually you can” His voice sounded as aggressive as his face.

I wasn’t going to let this one man ruin a whole day of productive product movement so I smiled and said, “What are you looking for?”

“I really don’t know” He rolled his eyes and walked over to the toys.

Eyebrow raised I said, “Are you looking for a vibrator, bullet, cock ring, dildo?”

He threw a glare my way and then sauntered up to the glass. “Well you see, I’m trying to find a vibrator for someone”

“Vibrators are all along the wall there” I made a hand motion to show him where they were, there was NO way I was going out from behind the glass with this guy. He screamed ‘untrustworthy’ in his mannerisms and I’d soon find out in other things and it was NOT because he was dressed as a biker dude.

“Are you sure these are vibrators?” He walked back over and eyeballed the vibrators like they insulted him as well.

“Yeah, are you sure she didn’t ask you for a bullet? It’s a common mistake and those are over there” I pointed to the bullets.

“Bullets?” He looked at me with a curious expression but then his face fell back into its severe lines, “What’s the fucking difference?”

If I had fur like a cat it would’ve stood up on ends, there was really no reason to get verbally aggressive with me. “A bullet is made to stimulate the clitoris and a vibrator is mainly used for vaginal stimulation” Yeah, I know they can be used for the clitoris as well but I wasn’t going to get into that with this guy.

He glared again at me and threw his hands up in the air, “Ya know this is for my friend. Not for my old lady, I have no idea what the fuck she wants! I’m just trying to get my friend a vibrator because I was on the phone with her the other day and she was bitchin’and moanin’ about how hers broke before we changed the subject”

Well you never said this was for a ‘friend’ you ass-hat! “Well then I’d stick with the vibrator if that’ what she was talking about”

He grunted and went back to look at the vibrators, “Which one would you pick?”

I HATE when people ask me this, it isn’t like Wal-Mart where I can say ‘Oh yeah this product works nice to get stains out’ this is a very personal product. “Well it depends on what she likes, it’s personal preference”

He gave me a huff and rolled his eyes at me like he could barely stand the sight of me, “Well I know that, but what do you recommend?”

“Do you have any idea what kind of---”

“No! I said; she’s my friend! We don’t talk about that kinda shit! I’ve known her for 20 years but we do NOT talk about sexual stuff!!”

I wish I could’ve growled. “Well then I can’t really help you because if I tell you I like something it doesn’t guarantee another woman is going to like the same toy” I was about done with this joker.

“Well show me the bullets again” He grumbled.

“They’re over there” I pointed again to the area the bullets lived at.

“I don’t see them” He was standing in front of them.

“All the boxes labeled bullets, are bullets”….precious…(insert growl)

He turned around slowly to glare at me again and his face turned a slight shade of red, “Ya know I’m not tryin’ to be a dick about this, but I can’t read well so I have no idea where these damned things are!”

Could have fooled me with the not trying to be a dick part, precious…So thus began a game of ‘In front of you….No, no more to your left…Up…Up one more…No, too far…To your right…Too far! Go back…there!’

Both of us now frustrated with one another, he whipped around and said, “Listen I said I wasn’t tryin’ to be a dick! I can’t read!”

“Well I’m not trying to be a bitch but we have this cage up for a reason, I can’t come out of it to point stuff out to you, I’m sorry” A white lie never hurt anyone, especially when he looked like he wanted to smack me before we got bitchy with each other.

Dawning understanding hit him and he said with a shadowed face, “You guys get robbed here?”

“Yes, twice” I said flatly with my own signature Chilean glare.

He looked disgruntled, “Tell me which bullet to pick” He pointed to two bullets to choose from. I of course made the choice of the White Knight Bullet because it’s a great bullet (personally speaking) and more expensive.

He took the bullet off the rack and came over to pay, “Ya know that’s bullshit that you guy got robbed, I hate fuckers who rob from the little guys. Were you ok?” He fixed me with a neutral stare.

I was a little stunned at his change in tone and the neutral stare, “No, I wasn’t here”

“Good, good. Don’t worry, while I’m here I’ll protect ya” He tried to smile but it was more like Disney’s Beauty and the Beast when the candelabra tells the Beast to smile…awkward and terrifying.

“Well thank you” What else was I supposed to say?

He grunted, “I’m sorry again if you thought I was being a dick”

Wow….now I kinda feel bad… “I’m sorry too; I just can’t leave the cage”

“Oh I wouldn’t want you to if you guys got robbed! Ya know I’m kinda like a super hero down at the bar I’m always at. No one gets robbed there anymore cuz everyone knows I’ll fuck you up if you try robbin’ someone. Everyone knows I carry guns and knives on me at all times”

Now I was REEEAAALLLYYY glad I never left the cage…I nodded and kept ringing him up and testing the product to make sure it vibrated correctly.

“You know, if you’re gonna rob someone, rob the government! They’re shittin’ on the little guy so don’t go robbin’ the little guy who can barely make ends meet. Ya know?” I smiled awkwardly myself but he didn’t notice as he paid for the bullet, “Seriously though if I was gonna rob someone, I’d rob a bank or a big government building because they’re the ones with all the money. All they do is take and take from everyone else. Take it back from them not your peers. Ya know? I may not have finished school but that just makes sense, ya know?”

“Yeah I can see how that makes sense” What was I supposed to say other than ‘sure!!! You are absolutely right! Please don’t decide to not like me and shoot me’ *smile*

“Well I’m sorry for ranting and preachin’ to ya for so long, have a good night” He did another Beast-like smile and left the store.

Let’s just say I was REALLY glad when I got to go home after all that. I hope you all had a GREAT Valentine’s Day! <3

How Much?

How Much?

Ahhh Friday! How I love you for many reasons. One, you’re the end of my work week at Love Lips and bringer of the weekend of fun times and lazy days! Two, you are also the bringer of another Crazy Phone Call Friday!!! Huzzah! I’m so glad to have yet another crazy story to tell!

It was Valentine’s Day week, and the entire week we were doing good business so there wasn’t too much down time but when there was it was d-e-a-d. So when the phone rang I answered it gratefully, “Hello Love Lips, can I help you?”

“Yeah, how much are your dildo’s?” A young man asked on the other line.

“They start out at $15.95 and go up from there” I said, this seemed liked a simple question with an easy answer.

“How about your vibrators?” He continued his string of questions.

“They also start, I believe, at $15.95 and up”

“Why are they so expensive???” He snapped at me.

Instant annoyance flared so I said in a sassy tone back to him, “Cuz they vibrate?” Jack-ass!

There was a short pause before he said in a, what I guessed was his sexy voice, “What are you wearing?”

Ignoring the obvious immature wackadoo I was speaking to I said firmly, “Do you have any other business questions for me?” Your ‘sexy voice’ sounds like a poorly done flamboyant gay man voice btw…

“Yeah, what are you wearing?” He said again.

“That’s none of your business” I said in an evil tone.

“Oh but I’m so horny for you, baby” He said in a crooning tone that ended with a snicker.

Great, we have another annoying phone person… “…And you need to get a life” I hung up the phone no longer willing to deal with his annoying game. But as I placed the phone back in the charger I thought of how gay he sounded, so wouldn’t that disqualify me from him wanting me? Hmmm…I did however have a bad feeling I was going to be hearing from our closet gay friend again because that was an obvious prank. Oh well, it just means he’ll end up back on the blog where we all laugh at his stupidity, right?