Family Business

Family Business

This title sounds a little sketchy coming from a Porn Store Blog, it sounds like a dirty story about incest but never fear, it is NOT about that! For those of you who are disappointed by the last sentence, you obviously have the wrong blog…Anyway! This is the epic story that has been in the works of being written for a couple of days now and I apologize for keeping it a mystery for so long. I know I keep saying how epic this story is and today you’ll finally get to read WHY it’s so epic.

It was the early morning before Thanksgiving Day and the shopping center my little store resides in was quite empty. The night before it was hellish trying to get anywhere because of family rolling into Dundalk for the next day or rolling out to visit family outside of Dundalk. But I regardless I wasn’t expecting much customer flow because who thinks about having sex the day before Thanksgiving? I had just open 10 minutes before the Love Lips jingle sounded my first customer of the day. In walked a man probably in his early 40’s with a fresh hair cut and a family approved navy blue sweater and jeans. He must’ve been on his way to visit family because the hair cut had just happened this day; there was a patch of pale skin in the outline of his previous hair do, it was quite unfortunate looking. “Good morning! If I can help—“

“Is this up because you guys got robbed?” He tapped the plexi-glass 3 times and looked at me seriously…very seriously.

Annoyed from the tapping (it’s happening more often and is sooo uncalled for) I said a little curtly, “Yup…”

He looked at me and shook his head, “It’s a damn same…a damn shame. I read in the Dundalk Eagle about it, you guys were robbed back to back weren’t you?”

“Yup…” Also being asked that like I didn’t know was equally annoying as the tapping.

He kept shaking his head and then looked to the side of me like he was afraid of making eye contact, “I don’t know who the bastard was but if I did I would totally tell”

I raised an eyebrow, I knew this was about to get good and he did not disappoint me.

“You know I’ve been in jail for doing shit like that. It wasn’t worth a day I spent in that hell hole. But you know…if I knew who the bastard was I would totally go to the cops. I don’t care if they call that a snitch, squealer, or whatever but I’ll tell you, I’d tell the pigs in a heartbeat. I’d walk straight into the police office and tell them pigs exactly who the bastard was.” He looked at me for a second and then away and said, “it was a white guy with a hood wasn’t it?”

“That’s what the people who got robbed said” I said with a suppressed smile.

He looked at me with an incredulous face and shook his head, “Man that’s f-ed up…a white guy doin’ shit like that…man I can’t believe this shit!” He said in a ‘what’s this world coming to’ voice. Then after a small pause he looked at me with a wild stare, “You weren’t here were ya?”

“Nope, I wouldn’t have come back if I was. Though we’re thankful the two people who were here didn’t get hurt.”

He hung his head in shame and shook his head then looked to the side of me and said, “I told my girlfriend about the robberies, I mean it happened so close to my house! MY house! This is a good neighborhood. First you guys then another small place up the street get robbed. This is a good area; I used to live in a bad bad area before I moved here. I OWN that house, I don’t rent it…I BOUGHT it because this is a family community. I told my girl, I told her that if I knew who this mother f—I mean, excuse my language—If I knew who this m-fer was I’d tell them coppers everything, what he looked like down to that m-fers name! She looked at me like ‘whhaatt?’ cuz she knows I’ve been in jail. But you know, I want this place to stay safe. I mean I consider ya’ll a family business. You’ve been here for what…”

“9 years” I interjected in his long schpeal.

“9 years! You’re practically family, baby! Family! No one messes with family…’specially not nice establishments like your own…” He kept shaking his head.

At this moment with me trying to fight back a giant smile one of the weird homeless men shuffled into the store, he was wearing multiple hoodies and my new ‘friend’ looked at him and said loudly, “You’re not the hooded M-fer who robbed this place are you?!”

I am ashamed to say I almost laughed out loud and the frightened look on the homeless guys face, it was priceless! He shook his head violently and mumbled, “Nu-uh…” and he all but ran from the store.

“Where ya goin?! If you didn’t do it why ya runnin’?!” He took a step towards the door.

I said quickly so there wasn’t any un-necessary 911 calls, “He’s a regular homeless drunk we have around here.” I wasn’t going to admit that particular homeless guy did creep me out cuz he’d sometimes just walk into the store, stand at the door and stare out at the parking lot…then leave without a word but he never stole anything or made a scene so I didn’t want my new ‘friend’ to possibly harass him later.

“So he’s cool?” He said then looked down, “I mean I’m a regular around here and I will admit, I’ve had a little to drink this morning”

Ya think? That explains a lot however… “Yeah, he doesn’t cause trouble.”

He nodded like he understood, “Well, I guess I should gets ta goin’ You stay safe now baby girl and you let me know if you ever need anything. I also promise to keep my ear to the ground and if I find that mother…m-fer I’ll turn him in, ok baby? I-I’m also pray for you, you know cuz we gotta stick together and God is that glue, ya know. Ima pray for your safety and know that I’ll be thinkin’ of you guys and pray for you all to stay safe, ok?”

I smiled as friendly as I could and tried hard not to laugh, “Thank you very much, you have a great Thanksgiving tomorrow”

“You too baby girl” He nodded and touched the glass for a second and left the store.

As soon as he left I cracked up laughing. I couldn’t believe what just happened and wished I had the computer because it was epic! Don’t you agree?