Crazy Phone Call Friday!!! Metal "Rings"

Metal “Rings”

Did you think I forgot what today is? It’s Crazy Phone Call Friday!!! I’m so happy that I’m back to updating this on a regular basis! *happy sigh* Alright, this story is about a man that used to call every single day asking the same question but I will tell you the first and longest conversation we had and it’s sad and gross end. What amazes me is he STILL calls occasionally, I guess hoping that someone else may answer the phone.

It was a normal Love Lips morning where I was enjoying my coffee and the quietness of the start of the day. As I was taking a sip of coffee the phone rang of course. So after swallowing my drink and cleared my throat I clicked the “Talk” button and held the phone to my ear and said as clearly and cheerfully as I could, “Hello, Love Lips?”

“H-Hi” The elderly sounding man on the other line said.

“What can I help you with?”

“Yeah, I wanted to know…how much are your rings?”

“As in rings for your fingers or cock rings?” I had never heard cock rings being called just “rings” before.

He annunciated and yelled into the phone, “PENIS rings”

No need to get diva-esque old guy! “Yes, we sell those, what kind were you looking for?”

“Do you have any metal rings?

“No, sadly we do not”

“Oh alright….What kind do you have?”

“We have silicone based on--“

“Those the stretchy ones?”

“Yes, we have silicone based ones ranging from $7.95 and up”

“Oh…Alright.”

“Do you have any other questions, sir?”

“Um…yeah…my friend wants a rabbit and I was thinking about getting her one, how much do those run?”

“Those range from $37.95 and up”

“Oh wow, that’s expensive”

“Yeah, they’re a bigger toy and do a lot more than normal toys”

~>This is the point I should’ve known what was going on but alas, this was before I was tainted with the knowledge of phone calls like this<~

“Can you explain what it does?”

“Sure, it’s a vibrator in the shape of a penis with a bullet attached to it for the clitoris so there is dual stimulation for the user. It’s a very popular toy with women”

“Wow, sounds like it. Hey hon, I do have another question.”

“Sure”

“I have a metal cock ring that I think is too small, is there anything I can do to help get it on?”

~> Now I got worried<~

“Um..I’d probably suggest using a slick lubrication but it sounds like you may just need a bigger one because you don’t want to hurt yourself.” Ick! Bad images, bad images!

“What about Vaseline would that be safe?”

“Um..I’m not sure, I’ve never heard anyone using it for that purpose so I’d read the container before you use it to make sure it’s safe for sexual organs”

“Oh ok…”

*~*Long Pause and a random person walks into the store at who I nod in acknowledgement*~*

“Sir? Was there anything else you needed?”

*There was a moan from his end*

“Excuse me, sir are you doin what I think you’re doing?”

*moan* “Ohh, I just slipped the ring on…”

I was shaking with rage at this point because now I understood why we had been talking for so long, “I don’t know who you think you’re talking to but this is a business and this phone call is inappropriate and disrespective to me DO NOT EVER CALL here again you pervert!”

I hung the phone up and apologized to the one lone person walking around looking nervous. The phone rang a few minutes after the person left and I was still in disbelief that phone call actually happened and I lost a customer because of it!

“Hello, Love Lips?”

The same older man’s voice said, “You hung up, are you upset?”

“Yes I hung up! How dare you disrespect me by masturbating over the phone! STOP CALLING!”

“I thought we were having a good time”

“Well you thought wrong! If you call back and harass me I will find a way to send the police after you!” I slammed the phone down.

What’s sad that he keeps calling asking about how much the “rings” are and how much rabbits are. Thankfully he hangs up after I give him the prices now but that phone call was beyond crazy.