Illegal?

Illegal

This next story happened the same day and I’m still not quite sure what happened. All I know it was the Full Moon that night and I had noticed that certain Dunalkian’s only come out when the moon was full. As much as I love the different phases of the moon I really, really wish they’d just crawl back into whatever hole they choose to crawl out of each Full Moon. Why can’t it be like a fiction novel where on the full moon I have to deal with Werewolves and Vampires? Heck, I’d even take Zombies…Hmm…Well actually a random Zombie attack suck but sure why not! Just please no more creepy Dundalkian creatures that only come out when the moon is full.

It was probably closer to 12PM that afternoon and it had been a lazy sorta day. There were lots of fly by customers who walked around and looked and then left without buying anything. Those kinda customers are usually obnoxious with how they point and laugh at EVERYTHING but hey it was nice to see another body in the store other than mine. It gives the illusion we do a lot of business here. HA! Anyway, I was reading my book when the Love Lips jingle signaled someone had come inside. I marked my page and looked up and smiled at the young African American man that walked in with his girlfriend. “Good morning guys! Let me know if I can help—“

“Are you burnin’ incense?” he young man said and the look on his face was incredulous as he stared at me.

“Um…Yes, I am. Someone used to smoke in here and I like to cover that nasty smell with something that smells nice”

“Isn’t that illegal?” He moved close to the counter to stare at me like I was insane and his girlfriend looked around the lingerie section.

Um…? “No, it’s very legal….You can buy it at most stores and gas stations?” I said half as a statement and half as a question, why would incense be illegal??

“People ‘round my house used to only burn that stuff when they were smokin’ marijuana. They told me it was illegal….”

Seriously? “I think they meant the stuff they were smoking was illegal NOT the incense….” I smiled a thin smile; it was hard not to give him my own incredulous look.

“Oh wow! I thought it was the other way around cuz everyone around me had incense and marijuana and told me you should never burn incense without the other”

I think you may have sniffed too many fumes as a child but, sure! “Well I don’t use, sell, or have any marijuana because that is illegal to have. I only have incense cuz I like how it smells” I smiled as nicely as I could at him.

His girlfriend walked by into the toy section and said to him as she passed, “You stupid sometimes, I told you that a while ago” He followed her into the toy section and they bickered back and forth together and then eventually left after a few minutes of skimming through our products and looking over a few DVD’s. I was still completely floored by the idea that someone really actually thought incense was illegal.

Oh but it doesn’t end there, oh no. Not too long after the illegal incense guy the creepiest Dundalkian walked through the Love Lips door. I really have nothing against how people look especially when it’s a birth defect but no one can say that the first thought in your mind when you see someone who is slightly deformed isn’t “omg!” I felt sorry him but he at first startled me because he looked very similar to the Disney movie The Hunchback of Notre Dame’s Quasimodo. He had a hump on his back and the rest of him twisted slightly to the side his hump was on. His face was horizontally long and had buck teeth. After my initial rude thought I smiled at him and said, “Hi, let me know if I can help you with anything today”

He smiled crookedly back at me and hen his eyes fell on our store’s tiny blow up doll we named Sally. Sally was here way before I got here and at some point an old employee used confetti string we keep in the cases (to make the cases look pretty) and made Sally a sexy teddy lingerie outfit in blue and red colors. She was very patriotic looking and we hung her near the counter. I smiled at him and looked back at my open book not wanting to be rude and stare at him.

“You know this is illegal?”

Ah-what?? Not again! “What is?” I smiled at him curiously.

“Her clothes aren’t on….” He fixed the one string on Sally’s outfit so it covered his little cone shaped boob where the nipple would’ve been if she was alive.

“Yeah, an old employee made her that outfit, but I don’t think it’s illegal per say….” I mean how do you explain to someone that it’s not illegal or a blow up doll to show its little inflated chest? She didn’t even have nipples!

“Oh it’s illegal to show human body parts in public.” He said in a creepy ‘you should know better’ kind of voice.

It took a lot inside me not to argue the point it was a badly inflated bachelor party blow up doll and not a human being, not to mention this was a porn store! Naked boobs happen here! “Well if anyone else complains I’ll take her down” No one had complained about Sally, ever.

I don’t recall the rest of his visit as this story happened over a year ago. But I do remember that he stared at me a lot and I was trying not to be rude and stare back and also tried hard not to fidget from being looked at like I was a bug under a microscope. This gentleman came back every Full Moon (no joke) for 3 months and then just stopped coming around. He never said much to me after accusing me of pimping Sally’s goods to the world but that was one crazy full moon day full of many illegal things I should’ve known about apparently.