I apologize once again for my blog going on ice as my girlfriend’s Dad fixed the computer. Being that I already have no internet access at home and to not having a computer that can connect to wifi at a local coffee shop, I must admit I was going quite insane. It has literally been ages since I updated this blog with one of my own stories and there is just so much to catch up on. So for the coming back story of the hour must be something that captivates and also charms you; the fellow reader back into checking this blog often for updates. So I hope my next story re-captivates you.
Sexy is as Sexy Does
Yesterday was a boring kinda day at Love Lips. Before 11:30 AM the only highlights of my morning was that one of my long-time customers came in and saved me from examining a weird residue on the glass door. He bought magazines and as I rang up his purchase we talked about the up-coming Comic-Con. We compared how Otakon and Comic-Con are kinda similar and spoke highly of the way people are able to duplicate costumes like the characters in the manga’s/comics. Then after he left I grudgingly went back outside to examine said residue. After trying to wipe it away with Windex and paper towels I realized whatever it was needed a blade taken to it because it was so stuck. So after walking back inside to retrieve the blade and seeing it had only been 15 minutes since I last looked at the clock I walked back outside and scraped what appeared to be glue from the shop door. I’m not sure why people think that just because we’re an Adult Store that means we deserve to be treated any less than the nail salon next to us. Grr! But back onto topic; it was slow. I was debating if I should open up my lap top and watch a movie when the stock came in. Hooray for something that will keep me occupied for at least 2 hours!! But stock only lasts so long before it’s all done. I was in the process of finishing up the last of the stock when the Love Lips jingle alerted me to someone coming in. YAY people!
“Hi! Let me know if I can help you with anything” I said from behind the fixture of bachelorette supplies.
“Hi there, I have a question for you” She said to my general direction.
I walked back around and set my remaining stock items back on the counter and faced her. “Yes ma’am?” She had to have been in her late 60’s. Her hair was dyed an unnatural black color with her blonde/grey roots showing and her saggy shirt and messy jeans was very casual and unkempt but hey, it’s Dundalk.
“I’m looking for sexy long lingerie.” She said as her eyes swept the area I was standing in with all the toys like it might bit her.
I walked closer to her and pointed back into the room she was standing in. “Well, lingerie is back in here and we only have few things that could be considered ‘long’, I can—“
She looked at me funny and said, “Oh no, I said BIG not LONG. The woman is a little on the bigger size”
Raised eyebrow I nodded and showed her the blue signs we have posted and said, “All the signs that say ‘Queen Size’ are for bigger woman and we might have something you like in that area”
“Oh OK, thank you” She said as she started to sort through the Queen Sized area. I let her look through it in peace as I put a few things behind the counter away to make room for her if she found anything. But I saw her practically jump away after looking trough both racks.
“Oh no, no, no. This is all too sexy! This is for a Grandma type of lady!”
Oh so Scandalous! Before I could answer her she said, “Like this!” She showed me a night gown made of satin and a see through over coat.
“Anything like that is right in that section” I showed her.
“Oh, good! This is a sexy party where there are gonna be Grandma’s and Great-Grandma’s!” She looked happy, I could almost hear the music playing behind me do a classical “Riiippp” and stop playing so the crickets could chirp. This party sounds scary…
“Well I don’t see what I’m looking for. My daughter said I should bring her a dildo from here as a joke but I think that’s disrespectful because she’s a Grandma but because it’s suppose to be a sexy party she thought it would be ok”
I really had no idea what to say so I just nodded and smiled.
“Well have a good day, sweetie”
“You too ma’am!” I said as cheerfully as I could.
I was glad I still had merchandise to put away after that so I didn’t have to think of what a “sexy” Grandma and Great-Grandma party would be like.
Pin-The-Tail-On-The-- What??
This happened sometime last week and it was a pretty busy day, I had a decent customer flow from the moment I got back from the bank and opened the store around 9:30AM until about 12PM. When I had a chance to, I had cleaned the front windows and glass doors so it didn’t have as many finger prints all over it. I was reading when I happened to look up and saw a very LARGE black man with a very equally tiny head staring in the window at me and looking all around. I noted sourly that he was putting big finger prints all over the newly cleaned window like 5 seconds after I had just cleaned them. I smiled sweetly at him when he turned to stare at me again and he walked way and was followed by another LARGE white man. Hm..that was weird….So going back to reading over a document I was working on in Microsoft Word I forgot about the staring guy until10 minutes later when I caught something in the corner of my eye. Mr. Large was back and staring inside again. I really have no idea why people don’t think it’s just better to walk inside once and look around than stand like a noob outside of an establishment and gawk. So if you ever wanted to know how any animal feels behind glass; just come stand in an Adult Store long enough and you’ll get the idea. With how many idiots stand outside and bang on the glass at me or just stare like zombies each day I should start charging a fee for taking up space outside my store. So once again I smiled at him and he walked off. But before I could focus on my document again the Love Lips jingle sounded and saw it was the Large white man.
“Hi how are you today?”
“Ok…” He said awkwardly. He looked around like something may jump out at him.
I noted he was wearing a stained black T-Shirt and his hair was cropped badly and he had a tattoo armband with roses around it. Due this weight I really couldn’t tell just how old he was but if I had to guess he was probably in his 40’s. “Just let me know if you have any questions, I’d be happy t answer then for you”
“Thanks” He said simply.
I watched him look at all the lingerie at the front of the store and then he stopped right in front of the Bachelor Party supplies. I was behind the counter straightening up when he said, “What is this?” He pointed to the “Pin the Boobs on the Babe” game.
“It’s kinda like pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey only it’s a picture of a girl and you have to pin her boobs on right. It’s for bachelor parties”
“That’s strange…” Before I could think of anything to say he continued, “Why would you play that game naked?”
I just blinked at his back. Ah-what?! “Well I don—“
“It’s weird that you would play that game naked…….with other people…..” He said in a dazed voice
Um…”Well…”
Ignoring me he walked into the rest of the store to look still muttering about why you would play a game naked with friends and before I could wrap my head around what he was insinuating the Love Lips jingle sounded. I turned happy to be relieved of trying to talk sense into him when I saw that the Large black man had come in.
“Hi, let me know if you have any questions or I can help you find anything”
He nodded and walked through the store to his friend. They talked a while and after looking around and going through most of the movies they left. I still didn’t understand why he thought the game needed to be played naked but to each their own right?
I wish that was the only crazy thing of the day but a half hour before I was about to leave my shift a very high construction worker stumbled into the store. His outfit was coated in random residue and his eyes blood shot he was giggling and laughing at everything before I could even say hello.
When there was a pause in his giggling I said, “Um…Hi, let me know if I can help you find anything”
“Oh” He said in a “hey how you doin’?” kinda voice, “Alright sweet cakes. Mmmhmm Mmmhmm”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and started to tidy things up around the counter so I could watch him carefully to make sure nothing got “stuck” to his fingers and left the store. I was praying this would be a quick look through so he’d leave fast because how he was acting kind worried me.
“Hey sweetheart I got a question fo’ ya!” He stumbled up to the counter and almost leaned all the way over the glass counter top.
“Yes sir?” I said backing up a little.
“It’s muh girl and my anniversary tomorra an’ I need some advice on what to get. Whatchu like in ‘ere, sweetie?”
I picked up one of the cheap bullets on the counter and said, “Well bullets are always fun”
“Yeah..But you kno’ bein’ together wit someone is hard when it’s been so long, ya kno?”
Oh God please don’t ask me out…Eve if I was straight the answer would be HELL NO! “Well that’s good you’ve been together so long” I smiled as nicely as I could.
“Ya! Ya kno I ne’r cheated once. NOT ONCE!” He spat on the counter in his rush to talk louder.
That’s when I realized that as he talked, no matter loud or quiet he was raining spit onto the counter. Oh God…So I really didn’t follow the rest of his long rant about how much he loves her but they just never have enough sex even though his goal is to please his woman.
“So honey, you got anything you can suggest? Oh wait! I kno! A Sex swing! You got those?” He said as he wavered in one place.
“We only have the door swing”
“Door swing?” He cackled, “Honey my woman’s a BIG woman, bigger than you”
I bristled, “Well it holds up to 300 lbs”
“Oh dam! Lemme see!”
I walked around and showed him the box ad retreated fast behind the counter again.
“Ya! I like dis! Ok, Ima get dis an Ima keep lookin’” I nodded at let him look around.
I was staring at the spit all over the counter debating if it was worth cleaning up when he came back to the counter and said, “What’s dis?” He picked up a pen holder of a woman that when you put the pen inside what is suppose to be her vagina she moans and makes noise. I explained what it does and he laughed loud, “Lemme see dis!” I got a pen and opened it and showed him how it worked. He cackled more and said, “Ima get dat too!”
Then blessfully ( M ) came in and saved me from having to talk to him further. We got our shift swap together and ( M ) got to share a couple special moments with him further and when it came time to pay he had “forgotten his money at the glass place” and ran from the store swearing he was coming back later for the stuff he wanted.
Let’s just say I was one happy girl to be getting off work at that moment and thankfully for ( M ) he didn’t come back like he said he was going to.
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