Chronicles of (M):
The Year Within 4 Rubber Dick Covered Walls.
The Final Story.
I want to remind all readers, all these stories are 100% true.
Going into this job I had no idea what to expect. Never did I expect the things I’ve seen and experienced. I hate to admit but I kind of enjoyed it. I smoked a lot of cigarettes, seen a lot of titties, before you think that’s a good thing there was just as much penis and cum shots all over the place.
Strangely we had quite a few regulars, - "Hal" he was sum sort of construction worker, always came in to buy magazines and they had to have the extra DVD. The magazines were all so old but he came in every few days to spend ten bucks on his porno. So working there for a year that’s a shit load of porn we accumulated a lot of strange regulars like- "Carter" older gentleman who looked like he was gonna touch little boys or would be "old-man-gay" but that wasn't the case. He came in to buy "features" so he called them. Once he came in and he was a smoker so when he showed up I was outside on my break. He pulls up and he gets out and smokes a cig with me. He shows me this spot on his car that had no mark but apparently he was driving and he hit the island in the middle of the road while driving home. He said "hey it could have been a black kid". (I’m sorry but I cracked up laughing, he’s old, I’m sorry. lol) I couldn't help but to laugh at the remark. He was creepy but he was ok. - "Kevin" This guy was pretty cool. He came in to look at the pipes and bongs we sold. He would always tell me about how great that K2 synthetic weed shit is and go on and on and on and on and on. Occasionally he would buy, but his focus was the liquor store next door.
Then we have the homeless guys. There were 2 of them mainly. "Poison the yell" - Steve (not his real name) He would come in and just start screaming and air guitar rocking out. When you looked into Steve’s eyes it was like he was looking through you. He took shots of anything he could get his hands on. He once told me "my life is great, I don’t need anything. I have everything I want. If I'm hungry and I walk everywhere, but when I’m hungry and I look in the trashcan I’ll find something to eat and keep going. If I want drugs they are everywhere here. Anything you want can be found in such a small town. Everyone is on something; it’s all about meeting up at the right time. By the way do you have a cig I can bum hahahaha" I have to admit I was a little envious of not the lifestyle but the feeling of feeling as free as this man does, I smile and of course went on with finding out more of this homeless man. Very interesting guy, my goal at one point was to find out where his life went wrong. Unfortunately Steve doesn’t have a very big attention span, so conversations were very short and hard to put together but it made sense. The other homeless guy was too quiet for comfort. He only asked to borrow cigs from me. Other than that he smelled awful.
Of course you have read my other stories including "Robb", "Holly and Frank", "Margaret", "Poison the yell", "Jeeper", "Franklin", "China shrink couple" , "Brittney and Rosa" . Trust me there was so many more. I got lazy towards the end. If you have read through these stories, a question that should come to mind is definitely how could I keep my composure during this. Not an easy task especially when 2 of those stories they were trying to defy my body one way or another.
I tended to get hit on quite often in this place, and I know that most men would be all about the fantasy bout fucking in a porn shop. I find something disturbing bout sex in that place. I mean all these beautiful women all over the walls with plugs in there asses and the damn poster is signed by the girl. All the stories I have written to you, and many visitations from many of my friends. All this sex and no one mentions STDs, so in my head I feel like STDs were smeared all over the walls and my only defense besides attempting not to catch anything is the cheap hand sanitizer that smells like old cake with bad frosting. I’m sorry but I’m not even thinking about sex due to that thought. Good luck future LC employees, ugh…uck.
The booths were the most horrendous idea ever invented. It was a 95-5 men to women ratio of using these booths. They paid $3.00 I sent these people on their way behind the magic badly put together swinging doors. These 5 booths just wildly smelled like cum. The 1990's videos we had to put in were like watching your grandmother do things you never want to see again. It became a hazard to me when one man "Jeeper" asked to suck me off back there. My comfort in the store was violated, raped and dragged to the hole in which it won’t be found till after the remains have deteriorated. Another man was just having himself a wildly fun time by screaming at the top of his lungs "THANK YOU!!!!! OH MY THANK YOU!!!!!!" My first thought is wow, I just fuckin got here and this is going on. He stayed back there having a good ole time, I even had other customers come in to buy things while this man in the back is huffing and puffing and groaning and moaning. So after about an hour of expressing his love for himself, it gets real quiet. He emerges from the offset swinging doors, and out comes this older white dirty man, very short Danny Devito like with a dirty white shirt very, and suspenders with khaki pants on. He walks towards the front of the store, looks at me and says...."nice day out today ain’t it?" I said with an awkward smirk and quick head shake in the affirmative "yea, it is ain’t it". He leaves the store and I never see him again.
Well it was a hell of a run and I’ll find more things to write about. I guess besides the freaks staring in from the window, all the cheesy unsafe updates. P.O.S Computer system and the robberies including me getting “Robb’ed”. I’ll miss the mutants that came in through one door, then when leaving attempted to walk out the next but ran into it because it doesn’t work, so they find the correct door and continue to leave only now they are embarrassed, because they fear they were just a character in porn shop stories.
I’ll also be on FAKING IT RADIO December 9th, talking more about "Porn Shop Stories" if you want to hear more of my stories!!!
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