Short and Not so Sweet Stories Part IV: You Know too Much

I hope you all had a fun family filled Thanksgiving and are still recovering from too much turkey. I’m sorry I didn’t post anything last night but I worked at Love Lips until 6pm. Why were we opened so long on Thanksgiving? I’ll never know because in 9 hours I made a grand total of $53.80! I almost couldn’t handle the work! Whew! But seriously…I’ll never understand why my corporation thinks we’d get customers on a family geared holiday is beyond me. I mean who’s going to be thinking about sex with your spouse when you’re forced to share your food with relatives you are forced to see twice a year due to a national holiday. We all know those relatives really don’t like you equally as much as you don’t like them. Sex just isn’t gonna be your first thought on days like Thanksgiving and Christmas let alone driving to a Porn Store! But just in case you didn’t care your relatives might be sleeping in the next room Love Lips was open! I just didn’t see you…Anyway! By the time I got home I was done for the night of basically sitting and doing nothing for 9 hours I figured you could pardon my absence from this wonderful blog for one more night. However! It’s Friday and the show must go on! Sadly it wasn’t a Crazy Phone Call kinda week but I do have a Short Story for your reading pleasure tonight. I also promise next week I have a great story about a particularly funny encounter with a man I have never seen before confessing how our fine rubber establishment is considered part of the family businesses in “safe” Dundalk. Oh it was epic and I will not keep this story from you any longer and post it next Monday! But for now, enjoy your Turkey weekend and don’t go into too much of a Turkey coma! Be safe and I’ll see you on Monday <3

Short and Not so Sweet Stories: Part IV

You Know too Much

Oh the slow days of the week sure know how to drag so slow I feel like I’m sliding into a time warp…and not the fun kind like in Rocky Horror. Today was one of those days and I was running out of books to read. I was contemplating possibly looking into getting the Nook E-Reader when the Love Lips jingle brought me back to the present; I stood up in my plexi-glass fish bowl and smiled at the two women who walked in. One was a smaller well-kept looking older woman with bottle blonde hair who had the look of Botox around her pulled cheeks but she was dressed for the outside world. However her companion looked like she just rolled out of bed and wore a ratty old sweat shirt and terrible looking jeans, I couldn’t tell if they were an item or just friends but the un-kempt looking one had the classic neon sign above her that spelled the word “lesbian” but who am I to judge a couple? She could be straight; there are plenty of manly women in Dundalk that were straight. So I set my first thoughts aside and said, “If I can help you find anything please let me know”

“Alright, we’re just lookin’ hon” Botox said with a tight smile.

I left them alone to look around. Sadly the fish bowl doesn’t allow a lot of hushed conversation to travel through but I watched them carefully because sticky fingers is a contagious disease around holiday’s and I didn’t want anything walking out of the store without it being paid for. I saw that Botox was whispering harshly to her companion and all I heard out of their quiet conversation was “just ask her”. I pretended I was really interested in something behind the counter when Botox walked up to the plexi-glass and said with a friendly smile, “This is gonna sound like a stupid question, though I’m sure you get those all the time”

“There are no stupid questions because I have definitely heard just about everything” I said, it was true, I’ve had heard just about everything, hardly anything surprises me anymore.

“I looked but I might have over looked them, do you have any of the double sided dildo’s that vibrate?” She held her hands up showing me she meant one of the 12” to 16” double sided dildo’s meant for vaginal and anal at the same time or for two women using it at the same time. She didn’t actually have one in her hand but the length she was showing me with her hands I could tell she meant.

“Yes we do, we only have one purple one above all the other ones you were looking at” I walked to the general direction of the double sided dildos in my tank. I pointed up to the top where the “U Send Me” double sided vibrating dildo was.

“Where?” She tried to follow my finger and touched everything but what I was pointing at.

“Up…keep going…over to your right…your other right…” It was like trying to direct a Chinese person in English. “It’s called U Send Me and it’s at the very top in a green box” It really wasn’t hard to miss but she kept looking very lost. I wasn’t comfortable leaving my fish bowl unless absolutely necessary because it only locks from the inside and anyone can walk into it if I have it open.

Thankfully her companion pointed to where it was and she took it down. “This is made for two people to use?”

“Yes, for double penetration for yourself or for two women” I put my hands in my pockets as she looked over the toy very carefully then turned and hung it back up.

She was looking at the other non-vibrating dildos and then walked near my tank and narrowed her eyes at me and said, “You really know your toys” She looked scandalized, “I wonder about you…” She waved her finger at me like I was a misbehaving child.

All I could do was blink and said under my breath, “Well I do work at a porn store?” I was thankful she didn’t hear my snide comment but seriously, if I didn’t know anything about toys I’d be worried.

“Thanks hon we were just pricing things today, we’ll be back” She waved happily at me even though she looked like I was hiding national secrets and her companion grunted at my tank and they left.

I mean seriously? It’s a porn store! If I didn’t know anything about the products I was selling I shouldn’t be working here! The only thing I can honestly say I don’t know much about is the ‘tobacco’ products because that is one thing I never have done or have any interest in using. But to each their own and apparently it is bad when you know too much about sex toys when you work at a sex toy store, who woulda thought?