Best Whipped too Much?

Best Whipped too Much?

Now, before I type this I want you all to know I can’t vouch for much knowledge in this department so if I say anything that is inaccurate, don’t attack me with random comments please. It is common knowledge between people that really know me that I have never smoked anything but cigarettes, which was when I was in High School and I literally took one puff and then I coughed up my left lung. So I have never understood the type of people who enjoy being high or “buzzed”. However, the fact I don’t understand this concept doesn’t mean I judge someone’s freedom to be not in the present because you’d rather enjoy watching pink elephants dance in front of you naked, too each their own. But anyway, so after knowing this about me, the only department in my store I have no idea about anything is the “Tobacco” Pipes and other things of that nature. So, with that being said let me get to the story at hand.

It was a steady night of business for me at Love Lips. I was working the nightly 2pm to 10pm shift and I was already bored and it was only 3pm. I was starting t wonder if the traffic flow was ever going to pick up when I heard the roar of a very old muscle car pulling up to the parking lot. I looked out my window to see a very old and very beat up mustang with chunks of its black paint chipped off in various places. There were two younger people in the car talking and I noted the pinky fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view window. After I figured they were two women going to the liquor store or nail salon so I looked back at my book only to be surprised when the Love Lips jingle sounded as the door opened. Putting my book down I looked up and saw a very anorexic young woman with greasy blonde/brown hair pulled back haphazardly into a loose bun. She was wearing a tank top with green and white stripes and a jean mini skirt that was frayed around the edges. “Hi how are you?”

“Wonderful, yourself?” She said brightly.

“Doin’ pretty good today, can I get you anything specific, hon?”

“Yeah I’m actually here to get a box of Best Whip’s” Now for those of you who don’t know what “Best Whip” are…They are small 3”-4” bullet-looking canister filled with nitrogen made to go inside whipped cream bottles, it’s what helps push the cream out. But some people find other uses for them….like sniffing the nitro to get a high.

“Do you want to get two because you’ll get $5 off on top of the 10% you’ll get today because it’s Tuesday”

“Yeah, yeah I know you save money for getting two but you know I never get to use them too often. But I didn’t know it was 10% off every Tuesday” She said brightly still.

“Yeah Tuesday is good time to buy things that are more expensive” I pulled one box of 25 count Best Whip off the shelf and rang it up.

“You know I’m not afraid to admit that I love these things, I like getting high. I’m not ashamed! These things give you just the right amount of high and isn’t dangerous like ______ (I can’t remember what she called it, it was a weird word but it was something you sniffed apparently like the Best Whip) those things can kill you, no joke!”

“Wow, that’s not good” I said kind of lamely, I had no idea what she was talking about, so I busied myself getting her a bag and printing her receipt.

“Yeah it’s dangerous. You’d probably know what I was talking about if you were just a head shop. OMG did you know that if you call those”, she pointed to the water pipes in the case, “‘bongs’ you can get kicked out of a head shop? I totally forgot one time and they told me to leave! It was crazy”

“Wow, I didn’t know they were that strict, but it makes sense. It can’t be easy to have a shop like that when it’s so controversial.”

“Yeah….I don’t do that stuff but I love to get high!” She paused as I handed her the receipt. “So does that mean I get a free gift?”

Love Lips higher up’s came up with the idea that to get rid of unwanted ancient toys from back in the 60’s-80’s that are adult geared was to give them to the stores to give away as free gifts. Since how they are horribly dumb and not amusing at all I wrap them up in brown paper and write “Free Gift” on it so people actually take them away. I don’t know what people are expecting but I’ve had complaints and people wanting to give them back. Free doesn’t always mean awesome stuff. But anyway I said, “Yup, pick whatever you want”

“Ohh cool! I love the free gifts!”

That’s the first time I’ve heard that. I watched her pick through the boxes and shake a few of them.

“Do you know what they are?”

“Nope, they come packaged like that” I lie, it is the only lie I say on a regular basis so people don’t bug me to tell them what’s inside, if I did they’d never go anywhere.

“Oh look this one is kinda opened” I groan inside waiting for the usual WTF reaction to the gifts but, “Horny…Monkey…?” She opened the wrapping paper more and saw it’s a monkey key chain that if you poke it, it gets an erection. “OMG That’s so cute!”

I guess that line “someone’s junk is another man’s treasure” is true.

“This is great! SO cute! I remember I got a coffee mug last time, and a toy where if you push a button his pants fall down. All of them have been hysterical and awesome!”

I could almost hear the crickets chirping, no one has ever gotten this excited about Love Lips free gifts, ever.

“Alrighty-Thanks baby” She picked up her bag and left quickly.

“Have a good night hon” I smile as she waves and leaves the store.

*~*2 hours later*~*

I hear the same roar of a beat up mustang and I see the same anorexic girl step out and rush inside Love Lips, “You’re back! Welcome back” I smiled as I stood up.

“Shame on me! Shame, shame on me”

I just blinked at her reaction, that’s really all I had time to do before she spoke again. I did however notice she had a purple tint to her fingers and it looked like she had growing bruises around her collar bone. It was questionable but not my place to ask or think too much on it.

“I knew I should gotten more than one, can you get me two more Best Whips, please?”

“Alright” I said with a smile as I retrieved the two boxes of 25 count Best Whips and rang them up with her $5 off and the 10% off.

“Shame on me. Shame on me” She kept saying with her head bowed like she was praying to someone unseen. Then after she finished repeating the same thing a few times she unfolded wadded up money from her pocket. It looked like she had a party of people chip in money because various bills were crumpled apart from one another. She evened out the bills and handed me the change first. When I went to pick up the bills for the total she snatched the rest of the wadded up cash near by like I was thinking about stealing it. She gave me a funny look them broke into a weird smile and said, “Shame on me.”

I finished giving her the change back and her receipt, “Have a nice night”

She smiled dreamily at me and said, “Thanks again baby!” and she swept from the store her bag in hand again.

*~*~*Next day at 10 in the morning*~*~*

“Hey it’s me again!”

I noted she was still wearing the same clothes, I was wondering if she owned any other clothes. I was too early for my sleepy brain to really register more than that. The coffee hadn’t kicked in yet.

“I need another box” She giggled a little sheepishly.

“Ok” I said as I got down another box for her and rang it up.

“I didn’t go home like I thought I was going to last night, I hung out with friends all night and when I got home my boyfriend was like ‘where’s the Best Whips?’ and I had used the others with friends so I was sent out to get another box” She gave me a ‘you know how it is’ kinda look.

“Oh…yeah that’s not good” I really don’t know what to say to her, I’ve never had this problem before.

“I swear I’ve spent so much money on these things, I’ve never spent this much before” She said as she paid, “This is like box 4-5 isn’t it?”

I count in my head, “4 boxes”

She rolled her eyes and laughed still giving me that ‘knowing’ smile, like I have to have done this before too.

I was way to sleepy to really say anything but, “Well be safe getting home”, as I handed her another receipt.

“Thanks baby!” She left the store once again.

So the moral of this story is for all the Nitro-Sniffers, you never seem to ever have enough, just buy two 50 counts and call it a night. She’s not the only one who’s come back multiple times because she didn’t want to spend ‘too much’. If you come back 3-4 times for more, you still spend the same amount of money it just means you get to see my face more than you want.