Buy Something Special for Your Man

Buy Something Special for Your Man

This happened around Valentine’s Day earlier this year and I still remember it like it was the other day because of the ridiculousness of it all. It was a cold day and the snow was still melting outside (we had some insane snow this past winter in Baltimore) when the Love Lips jingle sounded I was surprised we had a customer. Due to bad weather that never seemed to end I was glad to see two younger women walk into the store. But my happiness to see another human being quickly faded. The feminine African American woman who was extremely petite and was wrapped in a wool coat, mittens, and scarf smiled over at me with a big white smile. My expression hardened. Despite every sign on every door and even bigger signs hanging on the pillars outside that say NO SOLICITERS, we managed to have them everywhere from Christmas time until now. People who want to sell their stolen merchandise or sell product from whatever cooperation they worked for.

“Hi there” She said cheerfully, unfazed by my stony look.

“Hello, if you have any questions about anything in the store let me know”

“Well maybe I can help you” She said in a sing-song voice. The other African American woman with her was equally as petite but dressed more butch and seemed to be with her for the ride, she wasn’t the seller by any means.

“No thank you.” I said tartly.

“Aww come on! I’m selling perfume and cologne kits for 19% off the original marked price and I also have 100% Egyptian cotton sheets in every size you can think of, perfect for the Valentine season coming up!” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I really wanted to do nothing more than to smack the smug smile off her face, she was making it very clear she was going to be pushy and I hate pushy sellers. “No thank you” Besides why would I buy something from her? I work in a Sex Toy Store!

“You know you want to buy your man the top selling cologne, it smells very yummy”

“No-Thank-You”

“Aww come on, you gotta buy him something, dontcha?”

“Not anything you’re selling” I usually don’t correct people when they assume I’m straight because I don’t want to be harassed.

“It’s only 19.95! It really is a steal! I promise you he’ll love it”

If glares could burn holes in souls, my glare was it and I didn’t hold back and finally her smile wavered, “Oook…We’re just going to look around a minute”

Thank you for FINALLY getting my point, you idiot! I watched them carefully as the two of them walked close to one another and I saw a few quick touches that really screamed “Lesbians!” But being a lesbian myself I wasn’t going to say anything. I let them look and finally after a couple of minutes the feminine girl brought up hand cuffs and a blind fold. “Is that gonna be all for you?”

“Yeah unless you wanna buy your boyfriend a perfume kit in exchange for this stuff” She winked at me.

I glared at her again and finally said, “I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m a lesbian so stop asking me to buy something for a man” I rang her up and told her the total. I was happy to see she was gaping at me like I had 4 heads that did circus tricks from my response, her partner snorted in the background. Sadly though, that didn’t stop her next comment as she paid me.

“Well we do have lovely smelling perfume for your special lady”

AAUGGHH!! “No. I’m not interested. My girlfriend isn’t into smelly-girly things like that”

“What about the bed—“

“NO!” I finally said in a raised voice, “Thank you, have a nice afternoon, ladies!”

Thankfully they got the hint and left but not after getting a scathing look from the seller as she left.