Bestiality?

Bestiality?

That’s right…bestiality. For those of you who don’t know what it is; bestiality is a type of porn where a human(s) are filmed having sex with any kind of animal. Why do I know this? I was informed by my perverted friends who were porn conasuors and pop up’s on web sites. You’d be surprised what you can find on the internet even when you’re NOT looking at porn. Why did I choose this topic you ask? I’ve had a few people in my span of 1 ½ years working at Love Lips ask me if we sold that type of porn or brought up the subject. Whenever it happens to be brought up however, those individuals talk about having sex with animals like it is totally normal and were affronted by my distaste. So I thought I’d share my stories with you. Yes it’s a weird topic but I promise you this doesn’t go into gory detail, thank God!

It was back when I first started working or Love Lips and the store had just undergone a massive product movement and I was trying to pick up after the mess the warehouse “muscle” left behind for me when the Love Lips jingle signaled someone coming into the store. I walked around a box full of bullets and said cheerfully, “Hello, let me know if I can help you find anything, we’re re-modeling and I’d be happy to find something for you if you are looking for something specific.”

The man was dressed in Muslim style clothes and appeared to be Eastern. His accent also confirmed my guess he was Muslim, “I am looking for a specific type of movie”

“Alright, what are ya looking for?” I said as I set down a peg with a toy attached to it.

“I am looking for best-alty.”

“I’m sorry?” I’m usually good at deciphering thick accents of all kinds but his accent was a lot thicker when he used certain words and I had no idea at first with what he was trying to say to me.

He tried to repeat it a few more times then he said semi-angrily, “Do you have any videos where a woman is having sex with animals?”

Oohh that kind of best-ality…”No sir we don’t, I want to say that type of video is illegal to sell in a store”

“Why would it be illegal?!” He spat at me in a very aggressive tone. “You can find it all over the internet!”

“I’m sorry sir but I have never seen a movie like that come in and I know you can find anything on the internet but that doesn’t mean its legal”

“Can’t you order tings?”

“Yes, but I don’t get to choose what kind of movies I get in, I can ask but I can’t guarantee we sell any type of movies like that.”

“Call now”

“The warehouse is closed right now but I can E-mail them and they’ll get back to me in the morning” I said, my patience’s wearing thin.

“Fine” He said again like I was some sort of annoying gnat in his face.

“Can I have your number so I can call you with the answer, tomorrow?”

“Absolutely not! I’ll call you!” He swept from the room with an air of defiance and anger.

I did E-mail the warehouse and got a response in the morning that it IS illegal to sell porn DVD’s that show bestiality and that he’ll just have to keep finding that type on line, but he never called.

The next time it was brought up was actually part of a previous story that I forgot to add in. The African American woman who had the 65 year old boyfriend in  Do You Have Batteries and Pacifiers?-A Post-Irene Story was one of those types of women who jumped from one topic to the next and it was hard to follow her train of thought and it was also hard to remember everything she said because she was in the store for over an hour. But I remembered as I typed the beginning of the story that she too had seen and liked bestiality. This was sometime around when she was explaining how her 65 year old man was hard to keep up. BUT she had gone to a bachelorette party….

“I went to a bachelorette party with both men and woman and of course we were all naked”

That must’ve been some kind of party….I tried hard to keep my face neutral as she rambled on about this strange bachelorette party.

“The guy that was selling things had the BIGGEST dick I have EVER seen, I swear to you, no joke it came down halfway against his thigh and it was still soft! Brother had it goin’ on! I mean damn! We all were going up to him asking if it was real and grabbin’ at it to see if it was fake. It was totally real! I swear if I didn’t have a uterus I’d totally tap that! Cuz you know that when they’re that big it goes straight into your uterus and Nu-uh am I gonna get knocked up. So I told that brotha I’d call him when I get it removed! HA-HA!”

I really didn’t know what to say so I just smiled.

“After I saw that I guess I understand why women have sex with horses and stuff, it was niiiccceee”

I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything, I might’ve choked.

“I mean I’ve seen the porn video’s on line where the women are home video taped having sex with their dogs. I mean some of these dogs are trained to know when their owner wants to have sex. Wouldn’t that be great? Makes me wanna get my own dog HAHA-HA!”

Yeah….she was a special cookie…You can see the rest of her special monologues in the Do You Have Batteries and Pacifiers?-A Post-Irene Story in my previous posts.

The only other time I was asked about bestiality was quite recent and it still boggles my mind with what some people find arousing. It was a slower day at Love Lips and I was putting merchandise away that came in when the Love Lips door jingled and I set what I was checking in down to smile up at the new comer, “Hello! If I can help you with anything, let me know!”

“Thanks” A short balding man said. His hair was thinning in that typical over comb and his hair was dyed black which never looks good on anyone. Besides wearing a smart sweater jacket and nice dress pants he had put so much cologne on I could smell him from a good distance. Thankfully for my poor nose it wasn’t completely unpleasant it was just over powering. Why do people think if they pour perfume or cologne on so heavily that means they’ll attract someone? I think it scares people away cuz it’s hard to breathe around them! But that could just be me. Anyway! He was looking through the “Kinky” section when he finally spoke, “Do you have any bestiality films?”

I blinked with my eyebrow raised, “No sir, those are illegal”

“Why can you find them on line then?”

“I’m sure you can find all sorts of porn on line but that doesn’t make it legal”

“Oh I guess you’re right…” He gave me a weird look and then made his way towards the front door, “Alright, have a nice day” He kept staring at me as he left and after walking out the door e stared for a couple more seconds before getting into his car.

Apparently I had said the wrong thing? I’m not sure about you but I love my animals like they are family but I do NOT love my animals inappropriately. I’m not sure why people think it is something normal and OK….but that could just be me!