Saturday, September 17, 2011

CPCF- 911 What's Your Emergancy? Ignorance.

CPCF- 911 What’s Your Emergency? Ignorance.

Good Afternoon My Fellow Followers! How is everyone doing this fine evening? Today is the beloved Crazy Phone Call Friday and do I have a good one for you.
It was one of those days I had to close the store due to a call out. If I have a good book and a steady flow of customers I don’t mind working a 13 hour shift. This night was an OK night. I want to say it was a pretty eventful night and I was looking forward to going home. My fiancée had stopped by with Chipotle for dinner and we ate together since how it was 9pm. I had only one customer after 9 and around 9:56 I heard yelling outside. Surprised anyone was outside making so much noise I looked out the window to see what looked to be 4 teenage boys on bikes and skate boards. I rolled my eyes at my fiancée and started my usual closing procedures until I heard banging on the front window. I looked up and saw a blond hair boy leering at us. He then said in the most annoying voice he could from outside the door, “Is that a BOY?!”
I looked at my partner’s face and knew she was trying to keep her calm. She is 6’1”
 tall and has smaller breasts and is often mistaken for her height and skinny frame for a boy. She was wearing her vet tech scrubs and they happened to be pink tonight. I said softly to her, “Ignore them, they’re just being obnoxious on purpose”
She nodded at me but we both could hear the blond kid outside say “OMG ITS A FAGGOT! HEY FAGGOT!”
I hate the word “faggot” it’s so degrading and I knew they were doing this on purpose but I was watching my partners face turn red from anger. “Just ignore it, lock the door baby”
She didn’t move for a couple of seconds and walked to the door and locked it with a scary look out the window at the boys who had retreated a bit. But once she walked back over to the counter and I started to count money we heard more perverse cat calls which I tried hard to ignore over my own growing anger. There were more thumps on the glass and I was starting to wonder if I would need to call the police because they started to jiggle the locked door. I yelled from the counter, “YOU ALL BETTER CLEAR OUT OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE!”
They made faces at me and while I wrapped up my nightly count of the drawer I heard a particularly loud banging and when I looked up I saw a pasty white ass on the front glass. I felt like a cauldron that had boiled over. I mean who raises these ingrates?! Hands shaking from rage I picked up the phone and dialed 911.
“Oh shit! She’s callin’ the cops!!” They cleared out real fast, like the rabid rodents they were so I hung up the phone after it rang once. Only when my partner looked at me and said, “Did you really call them?” did I figure we’d wait to make sure the police didn’t call back. But like the good police they are I got a phone call after 3 seconds.
“Hello, Love Lips?”
A gruff male voice responded, “This is 911, someone just dialed this number and hung up, is there an emergency?"
"No, I apologize. I called cuz there was a boy with his ass cheeks on my glass window, I was worried we were gonna have an issue"
*~*Silence*~*
The male voice sounded like he was quite confused and a little amused as he said, "Alllrrigghhty! Have a good night!"
“Thank you and good night”
My partner and I left a little bit later after checking to make sure the rabid rodents were really gone and after seeing no rodents we left and I locked up for the night. The sad part about these special individuals is that they really have no life. On the Monday after this happened I saw a weird residue on one of the glass doors. Upon trying to clean the butt print and sticky looking stuff off I realized it appeared to be glue on the door. It took a good 15 minutes with arm grease and a small blade to get it all off. What happened? Our friendly neighborhood rabid rodents put UPS stickers on our door and all over the Bills Carpet Fair windows. Oh Dundalk, you raise the “finest” pieces of work on this side of Maryland. Oy…to the vey…

1 comment:

  1. You have to see the logic behind the word "faggot". Many words have different meanings. In Britain, this would mean smokin hot. That is what you should believe they ment, just after you cut off their balls!

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