Silly Lesbians

Silly Lesbians

You may be wondering from the title what the hell I’m talking about, let me explain a little before I tell two stories about this subject. As I’ve stated a few times I am a Queen Sized lesbian woman. Now when you say ‘lesbian’ most people’s mind shoot to someone who looks like a feminine man aka a butch lesbian. I am in fact quite girly and not an “obvious” lesbian so many people that first meet me assume that I’m a straight woman. I never liked or understood why some gay women feel the need to get a rainbow tattoo that symbolizes to the world that they were lesbians- I mean who cares if you’re gay or straight? But after working in this lovely shop of toys I now understand that sometimes it’s a little frustrating to be categorized in a specific “type” due to how you dress and look, but that doesn’t mean this lesbian is running to the tattoo shop to get a rainbow bunny on my arm but I can now see why some might choose to have the tattoo. I want to be clear however; I have anything against heterosexuality it just is sometimes hard to be looked at like I’m just not getting “any” because I don’t know how a vibrating cock ring feels or certain gels that are used to give a man a blow jobs from personal experience. I just don’t know some of these answers because I’m not straight and I wish it was safe for me to just tell people that I’m not sure because I’m a lesbian but since how I work alone and work in Dundalk I choose who I say that to wisely because I don’t need to be harassed anymore than I already am. Now you understand where I’m coming from I can continue with the story. My lovely little store is not a big lesbian-gay store so when I do encounter lesbians (as a couple or just one) I am usually treated special by them. Why? I’m not sure, I have a feeling they think that I’m a straight girl who has never seen or interacted with a “real” lesbian and they try hard to scare me or make me feel squeamish. But in reality? I keep them guessing.

It was a late afternoon and it was one of those painfully slow type days where I had only 3-4 customers total from 9am to almost 4pm so when the Love Lips jingle sounded the arrival of someone knew I about flew out of my chair, starved for human interaction. I said in a very cheerful voice, “Welcome to Love Lips, let me know if I can help you find anything!”

The woman that had walked into the store was a butch lesbian (no question). It took me a second to realize she was a woman because her chest was pushed down to look semi-flat and her hair was cut in a short boy cut and she was in her late 40’s. She had the typical man walk to her step and smirked at me like I was going to be fun to mess with. Oh boy I thought I had a feeling I knew what she was going to do but I kept the friendly smile on my face.

“So sweetie, I have a question”

“Yes ma’am?” That got a small raised eyebrow; apparently she wasn’t used to being called ‘ma’am’.

“Do you have any straps?” The term ‘straps’ is a shortened version of “strap on” which is a harness that is either made for a woman wishing to wear the penis in the relationship (in a lesbian or even straight relationship) BUT it can also be for a man who has a small penis or as erectile dysfunction and need help via toys to give his partner the feeling of a real penis.

“For a man or woman?” I started to get the feeling that we were playing verbal chess.

“For a woman” She said with a touch of annoyance in her voice.

“Well I do have a lot of straight couples that explore the strap on avenue, I gotta check” I said to her as I walked around the counter to show her what we had available. Check.

She watched me closely as I walked around the counter towards her like she didn’t know if I was pulling her chain or if she was still in control of our non-existent chess game. “Well what do you suggest?” She said in a defiant tone.

“Well right here we have the well known, great product made my Doc Johnson called the Vac-U-Lock. It’s a strap on that has a little nub where the dildo is inserted so it doesn’t move as much while you have sex” I looked at her and she looked dumbfounded at my explanations, like I knew how these things worked, imagine! “We also have the Universal harness; it’s just as good as the Vac-U-Lock because it’s a comfortable leather harness with soft fabric on the back so it doesn’t cause chafing. The best thing about the Universal however is that you can use anything with a suction-cup on the end of it and you don’t have to buy specific brand of dildo.” I think her mouth hit the floor at this moment and I just smiled at her. But she quickly composed herself and our verbal dual began again.

“Can you show me which dildo’s you mean?”

“Sure!” I walked over to the part of the wall that held all the dildo’s and I pointed out every size from 6” to 10” dildo’s that had a suction-cup on the end where the balls would usually be (some of them do have balls with the suction-cup behind them) “These are going to work best”

“Damn that’s a lot to choose from” She said in a teasing tone. “I’m sure you don’t used them though but my girl said she wanted something with a reasonable size”

My eyebrow twitched, “Size tends to be a personal preference and because you know her best what size do you think she meant reasonable?”

 “I dunno, what size are you used to? I mean I’m sure you’re man isn’t as big as some of these but what would you want if you got to choose his size?” Check.

Check but not check mate, “Well considering that I don’t have a man, my girlfriend uses this one” I took down one that I had personally used before, “on me and I think it’s the best one because it’s a ‘real feel’ and not as plastic feeling..It’s also not too big but I always say the girth is what really matters, ya know?” Check mate!

After that the conversation was a little more solemn and I knew that I had just made my point and she had lost her original teasing tone and looked at me like I finally knew what I was talking about. The best part was she bought all my recommendations.

The next example of my usual encounters with lesbians is a couple I happened to have helped a few weeks ago. The day was coming to a close for me and I was waiting for my half hour to end when the Love Lips jingle sounded and I marked my page in the book I was reading and looked up and smiled, “If I can help you with anything, let me know” The two women were in their late 30’s and both had short black hair one however was more butch looking and the other more feminine and the more feminine woman was rounder and more shy looking.

“No thanks” The skinnier, shorter, and more butch looking woman said.

Well fine! Be that way! “Alrighty” I said in the nicest tone I could and went back to fixing things behind the counter as I watched them look around. I could see they were on a mission to find something and I really wanted to help them but the butch woman kept looking over at me like I was a nuisance for looking at them periodically. I left them alone to look and they both stopped in front of the harnesses made for men. The ones made for men have a small hole where the actual penis is suppose to lie comfortably. I didn’t know if they had a male friend they were getting this for, I mean who am I to jump to conclusions they were strictly into women? I heard them arguing quietly with one another about it and then they finally agreed and started to look at DVD’s. When they got to the “Kinky” section of the DVD’s which is closest to the counter I heard them still quietly arguing about the strap-on they chose. I moved a little closer and heard the more feminine woman say, “I’m not sure it’s for women”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Her partner hissed.

“I think we should ask her about it” She said again.

Not needing them to quietly bicker about something easily answered I said, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to eavesdrop” I’m a terribly liar, “but the strap on you chose is for a man”

“A man?” The butch woman said with an incredulous look in my direction. “How so?”

“If you look on the back it has a ‘sleeve’ and a hole, it’s made for the penis to go inside of it so it give the illusion that what he’s wearing is his hard on”

“What do they mean by ‘sleeve’?”

“It’s a softer material for the actual penis to lie inside of while the top has a harder piece that adds extra length. It’s like an extension plus strap on for guys.”

They both nodded like they understood. “So it’s not good for woman to use even though it says ‘for women too’?”

“It can be but from personal experience it bends because of the hole and it’s a little awkward.” It was the truth, I had bought the same one with my partner thinking it was a cheap harness for women only to find the hole for where the man’s penis goes bent when you thrusted forward and it would bend at an awkward spot and just ruin the whole sexual experience.

The butch lesbian didn’t look satisfied with my answer. “Can you show me what you’re talking about?”

“Sure!” I opened the package and showed her the hole and bent it where it would bend without a penis inside of it and they finally understood. “Let me show you what we have that are good for women”

“You really know a lot for a straight girl” The butch woman said to my back.

I bristled, “Well working here I’ve learned a lot about all sorts of toys but I know things about strap-on’s from a personal level because I’m gay” I got horrified looks from them both as I then showed them the Universal harness and the dildo’s that would work best for them. They left with a bag full of goodies and better educated that just because I ‘look’ straight sure as hell doesn’t mean I’m straight.